


Of Scapegoats and Porcupines

by flightinflame



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dirk Gently Needs a Hug, Hurt Dirk Gently, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Medical Experimentation, Osmund Priest is His Own Warning, Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently), Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Todd Brotzman is Bad at Feelings, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 11:41:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17365286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightinflame/pseuds/flightinflame
Summary: Todd thinks its weird when the CIA get involved in him meeting his soulmate. After one bizarre day, they exchange a few letters, and he gets on with his life, until he finds himself kidnapped and used to persuade Svlad to behave.Svlad is delighted to be allowed to write to his soulmate, but when Todd is dragged unwillingly into the Blackwing base, he starts to realise that this was a trap from the start.





	1. Todd - The Mark

**Author's Note:**

> So excited to be writing this! Thank you to Lourdes for betaing, and thank you to everyone reading - you are all awesome :)

"Stop poking at it." Todd glared at Manda over the table as they ate their dinner. She'd been worrying the skin of her wrist all day, and it looked red around the soul mark.

"It hurts..."

"Well if you keep poking it it'll get infected and then you'll have to have your hand cut off."

Manda stared at him.

"Mooooooom!" she whined.

"Todd, be nice to your sister." Their mother walked over, leaning down to take a look at the mark on her wrist. "Oh sweetheart, you need to be careful with that."

"Don't want it." Manda sniffled, and Todd leaned over and hugged her.

"I know Manda." He sighed, ruffling his baby sister's hair. She was nine with a soul mark, and he was twelve without one. He hoped it meant that his partner was younger (the older partner normally got theirs at eleven, the younger just after ten), but sometimes he worried it meant he didn't have a partner at all.

It wasn't just Manda's age that was worrying about her soul mark. The whole thing was weird. You always got your partner's name, their signature. When it came through it would rush through different spellings, and in an hour or two settle to their actual name. You made a note of them for registering - and you couldn't even register until the age of ten. Then you’d be introduced, and hopefully things would work out between you.

But Manda's soul mark wasn't a name. It was a number, a 3 in dark red across her wrist.

Todd knew that a boy in the year above him had a couple of names, but he didn't know anyone else with a number. He wasn't sure if that meant that they couldn't count, or couldn’t write, or that there were three people, or what.

"Manda?" he called out as a solution came to mind, flicking through his pencil case and pulling out one of his felt tips. "Come here a second..." He drew a line on her wrist, changing the 3 into a B. "Maybe it's that? They're just writing the first letter of their name."

She leaned over and hugged him, and Todd sighed and hugged her back. He wanted to be cool, but it was still good to see his little sister look happy. He patted her hair, feeling a faint itching sparking up within his own wrist.

***

Todd didn't go to school the next day, saying that he felt sick. His mom didn't entirely seem to believe him, but she was willing to let it slide this once. Todd wondered if she knew what was wrong, why he was suddenly being secretive. He wanted to see what name appeared. First of all, a random string of letters faded into view, a name that didn't look real. He guessed it was foreign. He wrote it down, and then watched as those faded, and an English name appeared instead.

Dirk Gently.

He was pretty sure that Dirk was a boy's name.

Of course, some people's relationships with their soulmates weren't romantic. There were sibling pairs who had each other's names - that was particularly common among twins. There were people who had their best friend's name, or even someone who they would meet late in life, already surrounded by family and with full lives. 

Todd didn't think this would be one of those cases.

He'd known for a while that he was interested in boys as well as girls. It wasn't that he didn't see how beautiful some girls were, didn't appreciate their beauty - he did. It was just there were a couple of guys at school that he'd had thoughts about. And now this.

He didn't know how his parents would react. They'd been supportive of Amanda, she was only little of course, but he didn't know what they'd think about him. About the fact they might get a son in law, this Dirk Gently, whoever that was. 

He couldn't keep himself from tapping his fingers against it, hope and excitement warring with fear. What if Dirk hated him? What if he hated Dirk? What if Dirk was a jerk? Dirk the jerk. He snorted slightly at that idea, pushing it aside for now. He'd have to register, and meet Dirk at some point, and hopefully it would all be okay. If not, he didn't need him. It would be easy enough to hide it, now that he knew he had it. Or he could show it, but refuse to comment on it. He had a soul mate, and that proved he had a soul. There was nothing more he needed to do or worry about, he'd done what he could.

"Todd?" His mother's voice drifted up from downstairs. "I'm making sandwiches, do you want one?"  
"Please!" Todd called back, forgetting even to sound sick. 

"How are you feeling?" she asked as he headed downstairs, and Todd shrugged a little.  
"Better, thanks." He had his hand hidden beneath a sweater, but as she stood there he smiled nervously, pulling it out.  
She saw the mark immediately, moving forwards to examine it, mouthing the name to herself. Dirk Gently. Todd liked the taste of the name, smiling a little at it.  
"So...Dirk..." she teased, and Todd felt himself flush slightly, wrapping his arms around himself.

"We can take you to register on Saturday, okay?" she suggested, and Todd nodded, feeling a little in awe, fear and excitement and hope all curled up in him. He couldn't help wondering what this Dirk would be like. What he did for fun, what his favourite sandwiches were, whether he had siblings, how good he was at sports, if he liked movies, if he supported a team. A million different questions buzzed around his head, and he couldn't wait to learn the answers.

***

Waiting for Saturday, for the chance to register, was driving Todd up the wall. He wanted to know if Dirk had already registered. Where he was, what he was like. There was so much he wanted to know, and the time seemed to stretch out endlessly.

The actual registration was boring. They went into an office in town, and filled in some paperwork, writing one letter in each box. Todd was proud he'd managed to capture the entirety of the original name. And then a photograph was taken of the mark, and then they could go home, with a letter to follow in the next week once it was known if there was a match.

Todd left with a small card which recorded, officially, that Dirk Gently was his soul mate. He felt almost dizzy with hope.

A week later, rather than a letter landing on the doormat there was a knock on the door. A stocky older man with a moustache and salt and pepper hair spent an hour in the lounge with his mom and dad, while he tried to keep Manda distracted by playing his guitar and getting her to bash out a rhythm on a drum kit. He'd almost forgotten about their visitor when he realised he was being watched.

His mom and dad stood in the doorway, matching, nervous expressions on their faces. Todd almost dropped his guitar. He knew something was wrong, and for one awful moment he thought that maybe Dirk was already dead. He wrapped his arms around himself, that thought being like a punch to the gut. The older guy was there, and so was another man in uniform, with a smile on his face that Todd didn't like.  
"What's going on?" he asked, and the older man stepped forwards, holding out his hand.

"Svlad is... well, he's important to the security services. There are Russian agents that want him dead, so he has to live hidden away. You can write to him, but he won't be able to meet you regularly. I'm sorry."  
"I..." Todd stared at this man, realising he was in the army, that this was serious. "I need to meet him. He's my soulmate. Please."

The man with the nasty smile stepped forwards.  
"I think we can do that for you." He nodded. "At least once, but... well, it's for his own good, y'all can understand that can't you? And if he's meant to find you, he will. This is just... just a little thing, nothing to worry about..." He laughed, and Todd saw the concerned looks his parents exchanged. But he nodded.

"You just need to give us a day to check with Svladdy," the man continued, and the older man cleared his throat, interrupting.  
"We'll check with him, and if he's willing to meet you we'll send an unmarked vehicle. You can have a parent come with you to the base, although they can't be there when you two meet. I'm sorry, but it's for national security."

It was Todd's dad who nodded first. Todd grinned, holding out his hand to shake with the older man, unable to prevent himself picturing Dirk as a spy. It would be weird, not getting to see him, but he could write to him and stuff, and he'd meet him, so if they were soulmates that'd be cool. He was soulmates with a secret agent and that was awesome.  
"You'll need to make sure that the name is covered in public," the older man informed his parents, as though he couldn't even see Todd there. Todd felt disappointed by that, but heard his parents make assurances.

"Thank you for understanding," the army guy said to Todd's parents, and then the two men left. Manda threw her drumstick after the man with the strange laugh, and their mother told her off. Todd grinned to himself. This was all fantastic, and even if he had to keep it secret it was still super cool.

A couple of days later, a car arrived, and the driver handed Todd an envelope.

_The CIA would like to invite Todd Brotzman to meet with his soulmate, Svlad Cjelli. The conversation will be monitored, and questions may not be asked about Cjelli's family or home life. Questions about hobbies, likes, dislikes, etc. are welcome_

Todd read it over, showing it to his dad. His dad nodded, so Todd climbed into the car, his dad beside him. The windows in the car were tinted, so he couldn't see where they were going, and the driver passed them some soda.

"It's going to be a long drive I'm afraid," the man told them, and then Todd took a sip of his soda. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep.


	2. Svlad - First Contact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Svlad meets his soulmate briefly, before he slips away from him.

"Svlad." Colonel Riggins sounded almost angry, and Svlad sat to attention, his shoulders back, knees together, hands on his lap. He tried not to look at the scar across his wrist, the one where his soulmate's name would have been if the Colonel hadn't stolen it away by letting Priest cut it out. "You are going to have a special visitor today."

Svlad's eyes lit up. He hoped that he might see Moloch, who was always good at listening and might be able to help him work through why he had been feeling so sick and afraid recently, or even that he would be allowed to see Lamia - he hadn't seen her for almost a month, and he needed to see that she was alright.

"Can I ask who, sir?" he asked, keen to show he was on his best behaviour.

"His name is Todd."  
 _Tod. “Death” in German._ A new project, and that name didn't sound hopeful. Dirk swallowed and tried to smile.  
"What is his ability sir?"  
"He doesn't have an ability. He is from outside, and he cannot be allowed to know the nature of our work here."  
"Yessir." Svlad nodded, and then paused, looking up at him. "So why is he coming here?"

"He's your soulmate Svlad. I expect you to be on your best behaviour. Mister Priest will be watching for any... problems that arise."  
Svlad gulped and shook his head.  
"No problems sir."  
"Good. I do hope that the two of you will strike up a close _friendship_ ," Colonel Riggins instructed, and Svlad couldn't help feeling that there was something here he wasn't understanding, something he should realise but which was beyond him. He nodded quickly. He was determined that he could get this right, that he could get to meet this Todd and become his friend. That sounded good, another friend, a soulmate of his own. 

Moloch didn't have a soulname - he'd been too young, when he'd fallen asleep, and it had never developed. Lamia didn't have one either - her form changed too much. She could mimic another person's, but her own wrist was blank. Svlad liked that in a way. He couldn't help feeling like they matched - her wrist as blank as an infant's, and his own scarred to a point where his name wasn't visible. It was strange though. He couldn't understand why they had taken the name, if they were planning on introducing him. He knew it wasn't his place to ask these questions, but the thought itched inside him, telling him that something was wrong. He didn't know what was wrong, but it was like when he knew a light would blow, or that a doctor would be in a bad mood - his mind was warning him, the universe screaming at him. It wouldn't let him be psychic the way the staff here wanted, but it would give him this, let him know that there was something going on he didn't understand, something which frightened him.

He smiled brightly at the Colonel, nodding.  
"Is he going to be staying with us?"  
"I don't think that would be a very kind idea, do you Svlad? He's got a family - a baby sister, and two parents who love him very much. I know he's your soulmate, but you don't want him to take him away from the people that love him do you?"  
"No sir," Svlad murmured, hunching over slightly, feeling bad. He didn't want to steal Todd away from his family, he was just excited to have a soulmate. But he had to remember he wasn't getting to keep him. He'd just see him for a little while.

"Don't look so sad Icarus," the Colonel warned, slipping into using his project-name, the way he always did when Svlad was being difficult. Svlad looked down, feeling rather ashamed of himself. He wasn't trying to be manipulative, but he knew he was still managing that. "You might not be able to see him, but we will let you write every week or two assuming you behave, and you will get any replies he sends for positive results."  
"Yes sir," Svlad murmured, knowing this was more than he could have hoped for even as he felt afraid it wouldn't be enough.  
It was better than he could have hoped for, better than he could have expected. The Colonel handed him a clean uniform - a white t-shirt, an orange and grey wristband to cover the scar over his soul-name, and grey trousers. He dressed quickly, and then Colonel Riggins led him through to a room that he sometimes saw in tests. There were two chairs, and a table in the middle. What restraints there normally were had been tidied away, and a boy about his age sat there with a bottle of juice, sipping it. 

Svlad hesitated for a moment, seeing the way the boy looked up at him and frowned. The boy, Todd, was about his age, with bright blue eyes and hair that looked unbelievably soft. Svlad's first thought was that he wanted to touch it, and his second was an understanding of why, exactly, the Colonel had been keen to emphasise the potential for _friendship_ this visit offered. He walked forwards, extending a hand for the boy to shake - politeness always made a good impression when he was taken for observations, so maybe it would work now.   
"Svlad Cjelli. It's good to meet you."  
"Todd Brotzman," Todd answered, and Svlad sat down opposite him, taking a moment to look at Todd closely. This was his soulmate. The name that should have been on his wrist was Todd. He almost laughed at that, thinking of the way he had immediately thought of death.  
"What's funny?" Todd snapped, and Svlad sat up a little straighter. Mister Priest wasn't in the room, but he'd be watching through the mirror for any sign of misbehaviour.   
"I was just relieved to meet you," Svlad said quickly. "So you're... it's... it really is kind of you to come."  
"It's not like there was that much choice. CIA turned up and asked me to come meet you. Apparently I can ask you about hobbies and shi-stuff."  
"You're welcome to," Svlad answered, although he was already aware that he didn't have much to say on the matter as his activities were limited.

"What do you do for fun?"  
"Oh, well, I like trying to solve puzzles and help people in need, and I also enjoy reading mythology books, what about you?" Svlad had to hope that by getting Todd talking about his own hobbies, he could hide his own lack of things to say.  
"I play guitar, and my baby sister's learning drums. She's nine, but she's pretty good. We play together and me and some of the guys in my class are talking about maybe starting a band."

"What kind of music?" Svlad asked, as though he knew about this kind of thing, as though his understanding of music was more than the classical music that was sometimes piped through to him in the hope that it would unlock some hidden talent.  
"Rock mostly. We've been doing covers-" Todd started listing off songs that Svlad had never heard of, and he tried to remember them all so he could ask them.

"They said I could write to you sometimes," Svlad explained when Todd's words trailed off into a discussion about the latest disagreement in artistic direction of his band. Todd shrugged.  
"Sure, go for it."  
"Where's your favourite place to be?" Svlad asked, and Todd started to talk about rehearsals with the guys and laughing with his sister, and Svlad was relieved that Todd was so distracted by talking about his own life he never thought to return the question. He didn't know what he could have said, but doubted that explaining Lamia would have helped. Feeling happiest curled up under your blanket-friend was probably not normal, and it felt important, to try and be normal.  
"Favourite food?" he asked, and then when Todd looked at him curiously he started to talk about the candies that Riggins gave him sometimes. "They're lemon and they're very yellow and they're full of sugar-"

"I guess... uh, Pizza maybe?" Todd answered. Svlad smiled, trying to remember all the details of his soulmate, Todd, who liked pizza and could play guitar and had a little sister. When the Colonel walked in, Todd was explaining the plot of the latest horror film he had watched. Svlad thought it sounded kind of scary, but that was alright because maybe Todd would keep him safe from it.   
"That's all we can spare Svlad for, I'm afraid-" the Colonel spoke, and Svlad flinched because he didn't want to say goodbye, but he nodded.  
"I'll write to you every week if I can."  
"Yeah, whatever," Todd answered. They shook hands, smartly, and then Svlad leaned forwards, pulling Todd into a hug. Riggins glared, and after a moment Todd pulled away. Svlad watched him go sadly, thinking about how amazing his soulmate was.

***

Svlad worked hard after that meeting, like Riggins wanted him to. He tried to apply himself to his tests, to guess the right answers, and even when he got things wrong and it hurt he kept trying, because the Colonel said if he was seen to be trying he would get the chance to write every week. He did, every week sending Todd a letter. The messages were often brief, asking about what Todd had been doing, saying he'd spent time with a friend. On the occasions he got a reply he treasured it, using it to add to his own letters for the next month or so.

Todd was a very busy person, who rarely had the time to write back to any of Svlad's messages. Sometimes Svlad felt upset about that, but he wanted Todd to have a life outside of him, and to be happy, and that required him being free to write only when it was a good time for him. It just meant that when Todd did write, the letters were more special.

Svlad was carefully cleaning the bomb test - his failure had led to it being covered in foul-tasting liquid, and it would need to be reset for future evaluation - when Mister Priest walked in, an envelope held in his hands. Svlad tensed a little. Normally Mister Priest would hint there was a letter for days before he handed it over, threatening to destroy it. Svlad had lost one letter - an important one, one that would have told him how a gig at a local bar had gone - for being clumsy. Mister Priest had shredded it in front of his eyes, giving him a few scraps from it. Svlad had pieced together that the gig had gone well. But today, here was Mister Priest, holding a letter and smiling.

"Svlad, I've got a letter for you."  
"Yes Mister Priest?"   
"You haven't heard from that soulmate of yours for a while have you? It must be what, four months?"  
"Three and a half, Mister Priest."  
"I think I know why," Mister Priest answered, holding out the envelope. Part of Svlad wanted to question it, but the letter was there and he took it, opening it. 

Letters from Todd were normally brief - he had other things to do than focus on writing to Svlad. But he'd fit in a lot of information, so Svlad treasured them. He opened it curiously, as Priest smirked. He hoped he wasn't going to find out that Todd had died, or that his family were ill, or something equally terrible.

 _Svlad, Band going well. Played 3 gigs. Had another attack a couple of weeks back but feeling better now. Met a girl after the last gig, her name is Jacey. We're off to the movies later. Todd_  
"He replaced you," Mister Priest explained, and Svlad nodded, smiling to himself. Todd was doing so well with his music. He hoped one day he could listen to him play. He hoped that Todd's new girlfriend could make him happy. If he'd been free, he would have wanted to date Todd, to see if their soulbond could lead to happiness for both of them. But he wasn't free. He couldn't give Todd what he needed. He read the letter over twice more, before Mister Priest took it away. From the look on his face, Svlad was sure he'd done something wrong, he just didn't know what.

He dreamed that night of going to the cinema with Todd, of holding his hand, of brushing his fingertips across the name on Todd's wrist. Of going outside, side by side, being happy. Waking up alone always hurt, but after so long it was getting easier.

He decided he was going to be brave, and ask for a photograph of Todd in his next letter. The last one he'd seen was when Todd was fourteen, all gangly limbs and floppy hair. Todd was older now, old enough to vote as of three weeks ago. Svlad wanted to see him. He hoped that letter would get through - the Colonel read all of his correspondence, and could be a little overzealous about censoring. But Svlad was lucky to get to talk to Todd at all, and he was grateful. He really was.

He drafted his reply carefully, picking over each sentence in his head until it was perfect.  
 _Dear Todd, I hope that you and Jacey had a lovely time at the cinema, what was it that you saw? I've been quite busy, working on an engineering project, but I hope you don't mind the delay. It's great that you've been so busy with gigs, I hope one day I will be able to hear you play. Do you happen to have a photograph? Perhaps from the gig? It would be wonderful to see you. Take care of yourself. Svlad_   
He never signed it saying 'hope to see you soon' because he knew, if he saw Todd, something would have gone wrong. He gave his letter to the Colonel when the older man was in a good mood, and it had been passed along. He didn't expect a reply soon, but he looked forwards to it when it arrived, because every detail of Todd's life interested him.

***

Two weeks passed without a reply, and Svlad sent another letter, repeating his request along with an apology in case he was being a little too forwards.

His latest results had impressed some people. He didn't understand why - he had yet again failed to get a single answer right, as a machine had tossed a coin again and again, and he had tried to hit the button that would give him the right answer. He'd been wrong a hundred times in a row before the test stopped, and he was greeted by the Colonel looking almost pleased.

"I thought you might like to see Lamia, as a reward for working so hard."  
Svlad nodded enthusiastically, and the Colonel showed him to her room. She was currently being a shoe, so he walked over and picked her up, sitting down in the corner of her room and cuddling her against his chest.  
"Hey Lamia," he whispered. "I missed you."  
There was no initial response from her, but that was alright. Svlad knew that at points Lamia didn't feel like being human-shaped. He respected that, and would never ask her to be something she didn't want to be. That wasn't how their friendship worked. With the scientists and researchers at Blackwing always demanding things, when they were together they could just be themselves, in whatever form that took, and if for Lamia that meant being a shoe then Svlad was happy for her. He ran his fingers along the stitching, admiring the work she put into her latest performance.  
"Todd's got a girlfriend," he told her. It wasn't that he was sad about that. It was just that he was a little jealous, and Lamia always made him feel better.

A moment later, his arms were full of her as she leaned in to embrace him - she had swapped to her human form, maybe a year or two younger than him, wearing a white dress. One of the guards coughed, shifting his gun, and she rolled her eyes, sighing dramatically before changing into her jumpsuit.  
"He's silly," Lamia said, and there was such certainty there that Svlad couldn't keep himself from smiling. "You're a good friend."  
"But I'm not there with him," Svlad tried to explain.   
"You stay my friend when we don't see each other for a while." She shrugged a little, and Svlad just held her close. He loved Lamia dearly, but he also knew that she had very little memory of Outside. To her Blackwing was all there was. Svlad let her believe that, because it might spare her some pain, but it meant she didn't understand what was normal.

"You're sad, aren't you?" she asked him, tilting her head.   
"I'm not sad."  
"You're lying," she told him more certainly. "And you're not very good at lying." She pouted, considering, and then there was a young man in front of him. Lamia had never seen Todd. But she had listened to Svlad's descriptions, and her impression was close to what Svlad imagined. She leaned forwards, entwining her fingers with Svlad's, and Svlad tried not to imagine Todd in a Blackwing jumpsuit.

"Does this help?" she asked. "I'm sorry I can't be him really, but I can hold you or we can hold hands if you'd like." There was sadness in her eyes.  
"You're even sillier than Todd is," Svlad told her, reaching to poke her in the nose. "I like you as you. You're my best friend."  
Her face and hair shifted back, and she hugged him tighter. Svlad rubbed her shoulders, shushing her softly.   
"You're perfect just as you are, Lamia."  
"What if he doesn't like me?" she asked. She'd asked it so many times before, and Svlad always gave the same answer, but he was willing to give it to her once more if it might soothe her fears.   
"Well then, he'll need to find himself a new soulmate, because I'm not going to give up on you."

Her embrace tightened, and there was a soft yellow scarf draped around his shoulders. Svlad guessed she really didn't want to be a human today. He didn't mind that. He nuzzled against the scarf.  
"Thank you ever so much Lamia. It was good to talk to you, you always make me feel better."  
The scarf took on a slightly orange tinge. If he hadn't known better, he would have said that she was blushing. He continued to talk to her, telling her about the experiments that he had been working on, and about dreams he half-remembered, and she stayed close, keeping him warm, giving him something soft that he could touch. 

There was a knock on the door, and Colonel Riggins looked in.  
"Time's up Svlad."  
"Bye Lamia. I'll see you soon." He took her from around his shoulders, embracing her for a moment before neatly folding her and placing her carefully on the ground, stepping around her. He listened attentively as the next batch of testing was explained.


	3. Todd - Mistakes and Mess Ups

Todd groaned, staring at the letter that he had accidentally pulled out from under the sofa. He'd been looking for some painkillers to fight his hangover, and this was just causing an additional headache. His first instinct was to shove it back under there and pretend he'd not seen it, but he supposed he owed Svlad a reply. It was just that Svlad was asking how his date with Jacey had gone, and he wasn't going to tell him the truth - that it hadn't been a date. She was just his friend, and he'd said it because he wanted to make Svlad jealous, make Svlad say something, make Svlad care about what the fuck he was doing. And Svlad had just been reasonable about it, even curious.

He hated his soulmate. Dirk the fucking jerk. He grabbed a beer bottle that was open, and took a swig of it, trying to work out what to reply. Svlad was asking about his pararibulitis attacks, and Todd was regretting ever mentioning them. His initial idea was that it would help him to keep his lies straight. He was telling his family, so he should tell Svlad. Only Svlad kept asking about them. As though they were actually a couple, or friends. Fucking dick. He snorted to himself. Dirk the dick. He definitely needed to reply to the letter soon, it was just that he had been busy with the band, and with various girls he met at gigs, names and faces he forgot by the morning. That was what Svlad got for abandoning him. If Svlad couldn't be bothered to actually be around, he'd have to find other outlets. He groaned to himself, picking up a sheet of paper and jotting down something so that at least he could reply.

 _Hey Svlad. Band going great. Movies were fun. You can have a photo. Attacks haven't been too bad last few weeks, pills are working. Todd._ There, now having said his pills were working, Svlad wouldn't be worried. Todd shoved the note in an envelope, going to the mailbox to post it as he headed to the shops. He needed some more cigarettes, and some painkillers or something to deal with the hangover and headache he was currently battling. He gulped down a couple of tablets, grabbing his phone from his pocket and calling Amanda. He yelped when answered with the crash of drums, and held the phone away from his ear until she stopped.  
"Sorry," she laughed. "I got carried away. How are you?"  
"Good. How are you getting on?"  
"Doing great." She laughed, starting to tell him about a fight she'd got into with a boy in her class. He pulled out a cigarette, listening to her talk and walking towards his apartment. There was a black van parked across the street, and he frowned a little as he walked inside.   
"You kick that asshole's butt sis."  
"Always do," she told him, and he could picture her grinning as she said it.   
"Look, I'm gonna try and swing by home in the next week or two, if you want to practice together?"  
"That'd be cool," she said, and Todd could picture her trying not to grin as she said it.   
"Well, see you." He ended the call, pocketing his phone and fumbling for his door keys. He swore, realising he’d forgotten to give Svlad a photo. At this rate Svlad was going to give up on him, find himself someone better, and then Todd would be left alone because he was an asshole that even a soulmate couldn’t want. He cursed, slamming the door closed. It was Svlad’s fault, he was the one that wouldn’t meet up. He was pretty sure Svlad wouldn’t wait around for him, so he couldn’t see why he’d be expected to wait around for Svlad.

He groaned, flopping down on the sofa. He didn't deserve any of this - didn't deserve a soul mate at all, but also didn't deserve one who forgot he existed, who often wouldn't even fucking read his letters before he answered. 

He fumbled about until he found a bottle of beer, wrenching off the lid and taking a gulp of it, scrunching his face up slightly at the taste. Svlad wasn't there. Because Svlad was never there, off being a soldier, or a spy, or whatever it was he did. With no concern about Todd, because why would he care. What was Todd worth to him. Todd's phone was beeping, and he remembered that he was meant to be going to a rehearsal tonight, but he didn't think he could face going. It was a lot easier just to skip. Say he had an attack, spend the day drinking himself into a stupor, and then hope he felt better in the morning.

He glared down at the wristband he had over his soulmate's name. There it was, the fact that he'd been fucked in life before he'd ever even got a chance. A soulmate that was like no one else's, a freak that Todd was sure hated him. 

He screamed in frustration, flopping back on the sofa and letting the beer bottle fall to the floor. He was sure he would have to clear that up in a few hours, but he didn't want to do that. He didn't want to deal with any of it. His phone was buzzing again, and he turned away from it, facing into the sofa.

His eyes drifted closed.

***

Todd woke to the sound of glass breaking, and wood splintering. He spun around, wondering if his neighbours had gotten into another fight, and found himself faced with a smirking man with a gun aimed at him.  
"If I was you," the man said. "I'd try not to give me any reason to shoot you."

Swallowing back his fear, Todd raised his hands. He kept looking at the gun, but after a moment he began to register other details. The man who was laughing softly, a sinister giggle that would haunt his nightmares, hadn't come alone. There were five or six other figures in the room, all with guns of their own. He couldn't see their faces under their helmets, and they were all dressed in black.

"I...I think you've got the wrong person," Todd muttered, and the man in front of him laughed a little harder.  
"Oh no we haven't. Todd Brotzman, sister of Amanda Brotzman, GPA of 2.4, lead guitar for a stupid little band, soulmate of little dangerous Svlad Cjelli... we know all about you boy. We been watching you for years and years."

Todd felt his body freeze. He wanted to scream, to ask who these people were, to run away, but the man facing him was too close, and when he held out handcuffs Todd managed to shake his head slightly.  
"You sure about that boy? Your sister's on the school bus at the moment, wearing that t-shirt you got her last Christmas. She's got a pair of drumsticks, and she's too caught up with them to notice we got a sniper pointing straight at her. But if you wanna stay here, well, that's your choice."

Todd felt bile crawling up his throat, his eyes closing for a moment in sheer terror. He wanted to scream, but screaming wouldn't fix anything. He held out his hands.  
"Why?" he managed to whisper, looking at the man.  
"Because," the man answered, "Icarus has fallen in love with you, and it's about time we tried something new." He held up a needle, and Todd wanted to flinch away, but his body wasn't listening to him, and he was frozen until it plunged into his arm. The world around him was darkening and he wanted to scream but the noise was stuck in his throat. He felt someone grab him, but it was dark, and he couldn't get his limbs to listen to him any more. He felt utterly helpless as his feet were pulled away from the floor.

***

His eyes flickered open, and he found himself in a room he had never been in before. The walls and floor and ceiling were white, the only colour coming from the grey blanket he was lying on top of. He glanced down, and found his clothes had been replaced by a grey jumpsuit with an orange stripe across, with some kind of symbol on the chest, and he suddenly regretted the number of horror films he had watched. He could see the name on his wrist, and he tugged at his sleeve in an attempt to cover it, but it wasn't working. He got to his feet, and the room jerked disturbingly to one side, nearly bringing him to his knees. He stumbled forwards, grabbing the door, but as he reached it he realised there was no handle on his side. 

He brought his fists up against the wood, screaming for someone to open it.

The wood didn't budge. He kept screaming and sobbing and pleading and no one seemed to hear, no one came to answer.

There was no way to track time, but eventually his voice gave way and he ended up curled up on the floor, his back against the bed, sobbing. 

The door opened slowly, and a man walked forwards. He was unarmed, but Todd was sure he'd seen him before.

His eyes widened as he realised - this was the man that had explained about Svlad.  
"You-" he muttered, staring at him. "What the fuck… what are you-"  
The man raised his hand, and Todd found himself falling quiet. He hadn't meant to - he'd been planning to keep demanding answers, but he saw in the doorway a few more of those armed men with helmets, and realised his chances of escape weren't very high.

Given that at least three guns were pointing at his chest, he wasn't sure how much higher his chances of living were. He held up his hands, showing he wasn't armed.  
"Brotzman," the man greeted him, sitting down on the edge of the bed and indicating for Todd to do the same. Reluctantly Todd did so, sitting so his back was against the wall, his knees curled up to his chest.

"You can't hurt Amanda," he muttered, and he knew he was revealing his weakness but they already knew, and they were going to hurt her. He could feel tears prickling at his eyes because this was all Dirk's fucking fault, if he hadn't been caught up in this then they'd be fine but now he was trapped and he wasn't even sure what was going to happen, but he was certain it would be nothing good.

"Trust me, no one here wants any harm to come to your sister. She's an innocent."  
Todd nodded slowly, trying to believe those words because he had to hope that Amanda was going to be alright.  
"What's happening?" he asked, because he thought knowing might help. Even if it turned out his soulmate had arranged for him to be kidnapped, it'd be better to know than to not, he had to believe that.

"Icar-Svlad's not been doing well recently, and hearing from you always brightens his day, so perhaps..."  
"You kidnapped me because he's sad?" Todd asked, staring at him in shock. "Where the fuck are my clothes-"  
"You have your uniform now," the man said firmly, and one of the guards had stepped into the room now. Todd curled up again, trying not to look like a threat even as fury swirled through him. "I'm not sure yet, whether or not this will be a permanent arrangement, but..." He held out his hand. "I thought perhaps you would want to see Svlad. Then you can have dinner, get some rest, and tomorrow you can meet him properly."

Todd couldn't help hearing the word permanent. It echoed around his brain, screaming itself hoarse and drowning out the rest of what was being said. But he was told to stand up, and the knowledge that the guns were there made him do so. 

The man smiled at him, nodding a little now he seemed to be cooperating. He smiled, and held out his hand.  
"My name is Colonel Riggins. I am in charge of this facility. Come along now."  
Todd walked with him, too aware of the weaponry pointed at him to struggle or refuse. He was scared. Truly scared, because they knew all about him. Because they'd threatened Amanda and taken him prisoner, and there was no way he could see of escaping. He kept his head down, trying to look out of the corner of his eyes, mind racing with various escape techniques he'd seen in movies - none of which he had the skill or athleticism to pull off. 

They walked past doors with different symbols on, one having a symbol that matched the one on his chest. The Colonel paused there.   
"This is Svlad's room. After tomorrow you'll be sharing."  
Todd stared at him, almost spluttering in shock, but before he could say anything Riggins walked on and the presence of a gun at his back made him hurry along too.

He was shown into a room that was divided in half with a glass screen down the middle. On the side they were on was a desk, with notes, a camera which was recording and a tape that was running. On the other side of the glass, there was the man that had kidnapped Todd.

Stepping closer, he could see Dirk. Dirk was wearing a grey jumpsuit that matched Todd's own - it fit Dirk better, and that made Todd wonder if he'd been given an old jumpsuit of Dirk's.  
"He's undergoing testing at the moment," the Colonel explained quietly, and Todd watched as Dirk reached out to press a button, flinching a moment later.  
"What's happening?"  
"We may have not been honest with you before. Icarus is of interest to the CIA because of his abilities, which are quite unique. He can predict things. The current test administers a minor incentivising shock, if he selects the wrong answer out of the four available when a card is selected."

Todd watched, seeing Dirk flinch every time he pushed a button.  
"He's not getting any right?" he asked, and Riggins paused.  
"That... depends on how you look at it. There are four options Todd. An average person would guess correctly once every four rounds - think of it like the roll of a die, or the toss of a coin. According to the counter, Svlad has currently been incorrect two hundred and eighty four times in a row."  
"So he gets shocked-"  
"Until he gets one right. That tends to be when he's getting tired - he's doing well today, normally he slips up around the 250 mark-"  
"You're sick," Todd muttered, but before he could say any more Riggins stepped forwards, knocking against the glass.

The man in the room, who had previously just been watching, stepped forwards, putting his hand on top of Dirk's, and clearing his throat.   
"Wave at the window Icarus. There's someone that's come here to see you."


	4. Svlad - Second Meeting

"Wave at the window Icarus. There's someone that's come here to see you." Mister Priest sounded so certain that Svlad didn't hesitate. He wasn't stupid. He wouldn't disobey an order, even if he didn't understand the reasoning behind it. Disobedience was wrong, and it would mean punishment later. He was exhausted, and something felt wrong, but he didn't know what. All he knew for now was that he had to obey Mister Priest, to try and do what he was meant to and minimise the trouble he was in.

He raised a hand and waved, hating the way the sleeve of his jumpsuit rode up to expose the band of scarring where the name should have been. No one ever questioned that he had that scar. They all knew that a freak like Svlad didn't deserve a soulmate.   
"Well done Icarus. Now get back to your test."

Svlad managed ten more answers before somehow he hit the right answer, his brain racing with the fact that there was someone else watching, that yet again his talents were displayed as though he was a creature in a zoo. It might have been different if they had been watching from the start, but if they had only come in when Riggins had knocked, that meant they'd seen him get it wrong. He cringed internally, dreading the trouble he would be in if he'd failed to sufficiently demonstrate his skills. He half-expected Mister Priest to lash out then, to hit him for failing. But he seemed to be amused, smirking to himself.   
"I guess that's it for today," Mister Priest muttered, and left the room, leaving Svlad sat at the table. He could have stood up if he had wanted - he wasn't restrained for this test, as the aversive shocks weren't considered sufficiently painful - but he knew better than to move without permission. He sat still, hoping he wasn't in trouble.

It was the Colonel that walked back in, smiling slightly.  
"You did well today Svlad. I have some news for you, I can explain once we've returned you to your room."

Svlad stood up, feeling a little nervous but following the Colonel hopefully, wondering what it was that he was about to find out. They returned to his room, and pushed open the door.

Svlad froze in the doorway, unable to believe what he was seeing. There was a second bed, placed against the wall.   
"Lamia?" he asked it, but there was no response. He wondered if this was her attempt at camouflage, copying what she could see around her.  
"Lamia isn't there, although perhaps we could arrange for a sleepover at some point," Colonel Riggins answered. "The bed is for Todd Brotzman, who is going to be staying with us."

"But-" Svlad started to argue, because he couldn't believe that, couldn't imagine that Todd had any reason to be here. One look from Riggins made him fall quiet, and he bowed his head slightly.  
"He will be staying at least for a little while. I hope I can trust you to treat him with respect?"  
Svlad nodded. He couldn't understand it. Todd shouldn't be here. Todd belonged out in the world, out having fun and being happy.  
"I don't want you to feel lonely Svlad," Riggins continued, and Svlad tensed a little, wondering how this was all his fault. "I thought you might enjoy having some company, at least for a little while, and you have been doing so well recently."

Reluctantly, Svlad nodded. Having company did sound nice, and he wanted to see Todd, to hear his voice again. But Todd had his band, and a girlfriend, and a whole life outside of Svlad, and Svlad didn't want to drag him away.  
"You have the day off from testing tomorrow," Colonel Riggins explained. "You will be able to spend time with him and start to come to some kind of arrangement."

Svlad nodded slowly, not quite understanding.   
"Did you make him come here?"  
"It's for your own good Svlad. You know that." Riggins wasn't going to say any more, and Svlad nodded, biting back tears. He'd be no help if he cried. "You'll have a nice time with him tomorrow, and there won't be any tests. He'll be brought around after breakfast. Now, what do you say?"

Svlad looked up, and nodded, faking a smile even as he felt sick.  
"Thank you sir." He managed not to flinch away as his hair was ruffled, even though whatever it was that made him different was screaming in his mind that this was very bad indeed.  
That screaming carried on all night, echoing around his mind, stopping him from sleeping. Normally he could sleep, no matter what had happened, or what was hanging over him, because he had to sleep to survive. It was better to sleep than to face whatever was coming when you were already exhausted. But that night he couldn't sleep at all. His hunches, his skills or abilities or whatever they were wanted him to leave, but he couldn't do it. He was trapped, and apparently, now so was Todd.

Svlad considered sleeping in the other bed, to see if a change in position helped matters, but ended up deciding against it. Todd would want somewhere he hadn't tainted, somewhere that was his. If they were going to share a room the least Svlad could do would be treat him with respect, like Riggins had said. And that meant acknowledging that Todd's stuff belonged to Todd alone.

He couldn't understand why there was nowhere for Todd to put anything. There was one answer - that Todd wasn't allowed any more than Svlad had. But that wasn't an answer he could understand, not when he knew Todd needed to play his guitar.

That night, Svlad lay in his own bed, tossing and turning and unable to make himself sleep, no matter how much he wanted to.

He woke up to the normal alarm, running through some exercises. Just as he finished that he jumped at the sound of the hatch on the door clattering open, and some breakfast being pushed through. He ate quickly, even though it didn't taste particularly appetising, telling himself he at least needed to focus when Todd arrived, because whatever was said was going to be important.

After breakfast, he knocked and left the tray so that it could be retrieved. Normally a day without testing would have been exciting, but he was too nervous to properly relax, too caught up in ideas of what might go wrong. He sat down on his bed, thinking through stories he could share with Lamia the next time they met.

The door opened, and he scrambled to his feet, feet shoulder width apart, hands held up to show that he wasn't armed or trying to present a threat. A guard walked in, gun pointed at him, and Svlad stayed still because he didn't want to give him any excuse to shoot him.

After a few moments there was more noise outside, and then there was a shout as Todd was pushed in, stumbling slightly in the jumpsuit he was wearing. Svlad nearly retched at the sight of him. Here was Todd, his Todd, who should have been out in the world playing guitar and leaving people staring in amazement, and he was wearing a jumpsuit. Todd looked afraid, and when he met Svlad's eyes, he snarled slightly, glaring at him. The guard stepped out, and the door locked.

Svlad's throat felt tight, but he gasped in a breath, and pointed at the spare bed.  
"That's for you."  
Todd moved to stand so his back was against the door, watching Svlad closely.  
"You can't stand there!" Svlad tried to warn him, but it was too late, and a moment later Todd yelped and stumbled forwards, falling to his knees and then crawling to a corner. Svlad could see the slight burn mark in his suit, knowing what had happened when the hatch closed again.  
"They don't like you blocking it. If you do they shock you. I'm sorry." He crouched down, a short distance away, trying to give Todd space but wanting to comfort him. Todd's eyes were full of tears.

"Why is this happening?" Todd whispered, his voice shaking. "Why did you bring me here?"  
"I didn't..." Svlad began, then shook his head. "I didn't mean for any of this. I'm going to try and put it right, get you home."  
"I hate you," Todd muttered, and there was anger there, but Svlad knew there was fear as well. He didn't understand what was happening, so he was lashing out at the only person in reach. Svlad understood, but it still hurt so much more than he could have guessed.

"I'm sorry," Svlad whispered. "I didn't... I didn't mean for any of this to happen."  
"But it did," Todd spat, and Svlad had no answer to that, because it did happen. He'd torn Todd away from his life and brought him here. He couldn't fix that, couldn't wave it all away with a sad smile and a hopeful expression. He'd ruined his soulmate's life, just by wanting him, and he had never wanted that.

"I'll find a way of making things better," Svlad promised, but Todd didn't respond. Svlad suspected he'd recognised his words for the weak lies that they were. There was nothing he could to do repair this, no easy lie he could tell that would make it all alright. "Do you have your medicine for the seizures?" he asked, because if nothing else he could help with that.

Todd glared but didn't answer, and Svlad cringed, curling up slightly where he was crouching.  
"I'm sorry Todd. I'll find a way to make this better, I promise, I'll ask for your freedom and I'll work for it, no matter what."  
Todd didn't reply. Svlad hadn't expected him to. It was a relief to notice that aside from the jumpsuit, there was no sign of any harm coming to Todd. But fear lurked in Todd's gaze.

Svlad winced, reaching out a hand towards him, praying that Todd would take it but he didn't. Todd gave no sign of acknowledging him.  
"It's going to be okay Todd," Svlad promised, swearing it to both of them, but Todd didn't answer. Svlad could feel tears prickling in his eyes. He turned towards the security cameras, deciding that maybe acting up would get him the answers he needed. He knew he wasn't meant to be a distraction but he had to find out what was happening.  
"Please, Todd shouldn't be here, let him go!" 

"Icarus, calm down," Mister Priest ordered, and Svlad felt his pulse beginning to race.  
He was misbehaving and Mister Priest knew, but he had to try and help Todd.  
"He shouldn't be here, please Mister Priest, he-"  
"He's exactly where he's meant to be boy. You got your powers, you must know that."  
"He's not meant to be here," Svlad insisted, because he was sure of that. He was terrified, but he knew Todd didn't belong in Blackwing. 

There was a pause, and when Mister Priest spoke again his voice was colder.  
"He's your punching bag now Svlad. A little incentive to get things right."  
Svlad felt tears spring to his eyes. Across the room, Todd glared at him, hands clenched into helpless fists.


	5. Todd - Pretence and Punishment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Sorry for the delay, I've been very busy!)

"What does... what does he mean?" Todd asked, staring up at Svlad in horror.   
"I don't know!" Svlad answered quickly, trying to pretend that he was unaware. Todd didn't trust him for a moment. "I don't know why you are here."

"They kidnapped me," Todd muttered. He was furious at the entire situation and his back still stung from where he had been shocked. He wanted nothing more to curl up in his own bed, and forget that he had ever even heard of soulmates, but that wasn't possible right now. He was trapped. He was trapped by a bunch of madmen, as some sick game for his soulmate. He felt like he was in a horror movie.

"You're where you belong Mister Brotzman. Things will get much worse for you if you try and escape," the voice answered, and then things went silent. Todd stood with his back against the wall, staring at the man who had trapped him here, even dressed them identically. He'd have torn away the jumpsuit if he had had anything else that he could wear. But he didn't. This was all some sick game his soulmate was playing, some mind game to distress him, and it was working. Todd felt like screaming or sobbing, and he made himself be strong, reminded himself he didn't want to cry in front of them.

Svlad took a cautious step forwards.  
"We can talk about things?" he suggested. "I don't have any testing today, so-"  
"I don't want to talk to you," Todd whispered, not expecting to be listened to. He wondered if this was some kind of punishment for all the lies he had told - now he was trapped listening to someone else lie to him.  
"You... you don't have to talk to me," Svlad answered carefully. "But... it might be nice to talk? Help us feel less... lonely."

"I've got a girlfriend," Todd snapped. It was a lie, but Svlad looked hurt at that, and Todd couldn't help the small ball of bitter pride that nestled inside of him. He couldn't stop any of what was happening. He couldn't prevent the torture he was sure was coming, whatever sick games Svlad wanted to play. But he could remind him he was someone outside of their 'relationship'.

"We can just talk," Svlad said carefully, perching on one of the beds and indicating for Todd to sit on the other. Todd decided he'd prefer to stand, and leaned against the wall, watching the way Svlad fidgeted.  
"I'm sorry about this," Svlad began, and Todd crossed his arms. He didn't want to listen, but there wasn't anywhere he could go to avoid it. He tried to look like he wasn't listening.

"I didn't want this for you Todd. I was... I was happy, that someone wanted me, but I didn't want anyone caught up in this."  
Todd glanced down at the name on his wrist, exposed because of the length of his sleeves. Dirk Gently, it said now. It had only said Svlad for a moment, but that moment had fucked up his whole life. If it was even there.

"Show me yours," he demanded. Svlad stared at him blankly for an embarrassingly long time, before he reached towards his sleeve.   
"You've got to understand," he began to say as he rolled his sleeve back, "it's not... it isn't there any more."  
"What do you mean it isn’t-"  
Svlad exposed his wrist, and suddenly Todd did understand. Where he had expected to see his own name, there was a thick band of scarring, severe enough that there was no hint of what might once have been said.

He realised Svlad might not have been the man's name at all. It might all be some lie, some game that this man played. He could feel tears suddenly prickling at his eyes, and he lay down on the bed, turning his back towards the man so that he wouldn't see his tears. He thought of a programme he'd watched where a father had trained his daughter to kill, first deer then humans. He wondered if that was what was happening now - if everything he'd seen since stepping foot was just some elaborate plot, acted out time and time again in front of unknowing victims. He bit his lip so his sobs stayed quiet.

A hand brushed Todd's shoulder and he nearly yelped, but he made himself stay still. When Svlad spoke, it was quiet.  
"I'm sorry. I didn't want this. I... I thought maybe we could be friends, but it's okay... I'll just... I'll sit on my bed, and we can talk if you want to." With that, the man stepped away, and Todd wrapped the blanket around himself, trying to shield himself from the lies and the devastation he was suddenly caught within.

He wanted to go home.

***

He wasn't sure when he stopped crying, only that in time his terror gave way to hunger, and his sadness to curiosity. He twisted to find Svlad watching him silently.

His first instinct was to curl up away from Svlad, to refuse to acknowledge the monster who he was trapped with. But he couldn't. He wondered how long Svlad had been sitting there, arms around himself, watching in total silence. It was hard to understand why Svlad would do that.  
"Why are you watching me?"

Svlad opened and closed his mouth a few times, looking like a particularly stupid goldfish. Eventually he shrugged.  
"You're interesting," he admitted, then waved a hand at the rest of the room. "Everything else is familiar. You're something different."

Even assuming that what he had been told was the truth, and Svlad had grown up as some sort of science experiment, Todd felt he was spectacularly bad at talking to people. Still, at least he wasn't being a direct threat. Todd tried to focus on that.

"Don't suppose you've got any food?" Todd asked, because he felt like he was starving. More than that though, he had a vague recollection that that was what you were meant to do. Not Stockholm syndrome but Lisbone- no, Lima. Lima syndrome. You wanted whoever was holding you to see you as a person, to care about you and want you okay.

Svlad shook his head.  
"Sorry, not yet." He paused. "I had breakfast just before you arrived, I think lunch is soon, I don't have a watch. Didn't they feed you?"

Todd shrugged slightly, but moved so he was sitting in his bed, mirroring Svlad's pose.  
"Why am I here?" he asked, and tried to ignore the way his voice was shaking. Svlad shrugged a little.  
"Because they could take you." He hesitated then, biting his lip and clearly parsing what to say. "Because they want to show me they're in control of my life, and you're an easy way for them to do that. In a way that's... that's a good thing for you. They don't want you here for you, they want you here for me."  
"Why… why the fuck would that be a good thing?!" Todd asked, staring at Svlad in disbelief.

"Because as long as I can keep them happy, they don't care what you are up to," Svlad said softly. "You probably shouldn't yell at them or anything, but on balance, they aren't bothered by you. You don't have to... worry what they think of you."  
Todd glared at Svlad until he fell silent.

After a minute, Svlad smiled at him.  
"You know when I came in yesterday I thought that bed was my sister."

"You have a sister?" Todd asked, frowning. "How old is she?"  
"About six months younger than I am I guess?" Svlad shrugged. "She's always tended to be the same size as me, when we've been comparable."

Todd frowned a little, and refused to be drawn into a conversation about Amanda. It didn't last though, because Svlad smiled brightly.  
"You've got a sister, haven't you?"  
"I do," Todd admitted. "You never mentioned your sister in your letters."  
"Oh, well... she is quite shy. She was worried you wouldn't like her, so I promised I wouldn't mention her unless you got the chance to meet."

"How long have you been planning to kidnap me?"  
"Me?" Svlad frowned. "I mean, I'm still not planning to kidnap you, but now I'm rather overtaken by the course of events. I believe that Blackwing have probably been planning to kidnap you since my name came in, but maybe it was before that, depending on the order they appeared."

Todd chose not to consider that too much. Talking to Svlad felt like being drunk, and he couldn't concentrate easily on what he was saying. It all felt like a trap.  
"Where is your name?"  
"Oh," Svlad hesitated, his fingers moving to fiddle with the band of scarring at his wrist. "They took it away when I was younger. I never actually saw it, they thought it would be a lot simpler for me if I could avoid that particular unpleasantness, and judging by you I suspect that the Colonel was hopeful that I would..." he hesitated again, then took a deep breath. "I don't think you are the kind of person he would have chosen for me, for a great many reasons."

"But here I am," Todd nodded, and Svlad's smile was sad now. Todd couldn't be certain, but was beginning to wonder how much Svlad had been involved in it all. He certainly seemed reluctant and was in no rush to gloat about his current predicament. If Svlad wasn't involved, of course, that raised a whole other bunch of problems.

"Here you are," Svlad agreed. "And I'm sorry about that. I'm going to work on trying to get you out."  
"They listen to you?" Todd asked, caught somewhere between disbelieving and suspicious.  
"Sometimes they do. They think I have powers-"  
"They said you're psychic," Todd answered, and Svlad's expression closed down, his hands clenching in his lap.

"I'm. Not. Psychic," Svlad informed him, his voice shaking a little. "I can't predict things-"  
"They said about the cards-"  
"It's not..." Svlad shook his head. "None of that is how it works. I'm not psychic." There were tears threatening now, and even if Todd hated his captor he didn't want to make him cry. He took a deep breath, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt even when that wasn't easy.  
"What are you then?"

"I don't know," Svlad admitted, and there was true despair and helplessness in his voice. "Lonely mostly." He glanced over at Todd. "I suppose that's why you're here. Creatures used in experiments can become quite depressed, and I guess that's the situation. Give me a friend, a reason to wake up in the morning, and they might be able to pull me back from the brink of ..." again, there was a hesitation, and then Svlad cleared his throat. "Well, whatever I'm on the brink of." He tilted his head slightly, listening. "Lunch is coming." He got to his feet, signalling for Todd to do the same.

His back still hurting from the earlier shock, Todd stood up, still trying to think things through. The hatch slid open, and two sandwiches were pushed through wrapped in plastic. Svlad stepped forward, picking them up. "Do you want ham or ham?"  
"...Ham, I guess?" Todd answered, and Svlad threw the sandwich to him, a smile on his lips that was almost playful. Todd smiled back, before he remembered where he was.

"So today we-"  
"We eat our sandwiches," Svlad answered. "And I guess we talk, and get to know each other, if you want that. I love hearing about your concerts. And then in the evening ... well, I'd say you'd be taken back to your room, that's always what happens with Lamia. Only given the extra bed, I suspect we... are going to stay in the same room."

"Oh." Todd hesitated, looking at him. "Which is yours?"  
Svlad pointed to the bed in the middle of the room, and Todd was glad he'd chosen the one by the wall when he'd wanted to curl up. In a way being here felt like he was in the way, violating Svlad's space. It had been different, when they could use letters, and they couldn't see each other, didn't know what things were really like. This wasn't like that. This was them being forced into the same space, with no idea of what would happen next. At least - he had no idea, and if Svlad knew he wasn't talking.

"I haven't touched the other one at all," Svlad said quickly. "It's your space, if you want it."  
"Thanks," Todd agreed. He couldn't help feeling grateful for that. This small section of the room was his, and his soulmate wasn't pushing his way into it.

"It's no bother." Svlad fell quiet, and Todd waited for him to say something. Eventually, Svlad looked up at him.  
"I don't suppose... well, you said you sang. Could you sing to me?"  
Todd rolled his eyes, but he had literally nothing else to do. He had no idea how Svlad avoided going insane from boredom when he was trapped here. If his singing would help, he could do that.

***

Dinner arrived on two plastic trays that reminded him of school. The vegetables were overcooked, the pasta was soggy, and the slices of ham looked unpleasant. Dessert was an individually foil-wrapped square of chocolate. Todd ate a lot of fast food, and he hesitated a little before devouring this. But Svlad looked at it and grinned brightly.

"You like this stuff?" Todd asked, half-incredulous.  
"It's much better than sometimes-" Svlad admitted. "I think they've put in extra effort because you are here." He hesitated. "There's chocolate! I haven't had chocolate in months."

Almost without thinking, Todd slid his own square of it over to Svlad. He wasn't really that much of a candy person anyway. Svlad stared at him as though he'd just been given a handful of diamonds.  
"Thank you," Svlad whispered. They ate quietly, and put their trays where the guards would retrieve them.

Svlad yawned, and the lights dimmed dramatically - not enough to make it dark, but enough that he felt he might be able to sleep at some point in the future. Todd stretched, and Svlad smiled at him.  
"Okay, so there'll be an alarm to wake us up in the morning. You just need to sit up, and then I will get out of bed. I don't know what you'll be doing tomorrow, I'll ask - is there anything you'd like? Reading material or-?" Todd frowned, struggling to keep track of Svlad's thoughts. He had followed enough to nod, a little uncertainly, and then Svlad was laying out on top of his covers, his body rigid. Todd thought of all the times movies showed bodies on mortuary slabs. Svlad looked like that.

The thought haunted him, and it was too early to sleep. Todd ended up laying there squirming, trying to make his brain make sense of what was going on. He missed Amanda. He wanted to go home, to get away from Svlad and all of this. But at the moment, he knew Svlad was his best chance of survival. He hated it, but he knew he'd have to play along.

***

He spent most of the night tossing and turning, beginning to fall asleep as the alarm began. Todd froze, his pulse spiking as Svlad sat up rigidly. He remembered he had to do that as well. Persuading his body to sit up was a challenge, but he managed it, and he stayed sitting until guards came and took Svlad away.

Relieved to finally be alone, Todd collapsed back onto the bed and allowed himself to get some real rest. There was nothing for him to do here, and thinking was only making things worse, so sleep seemed his best option.

He woke up at the sound of the door being opened, and a bored looking guard stared at him.  
"Come with me."  
Todd followed him along the corridors, wondering whether this place had been deliberately designed as a maze. 

Eventually the guard stopped, and a door opened, revealing the man that had been tormenting Svlad when Todd had first arrived. Mister Priest, that was what Svlad had called him.  
"Good of you to join us-" Priest greeted him before carrying on, clearly enjoying monologuing like a cartoon villain, but Todd's attention was drawn to Svlad, who was curled up in a chair, his knees close to his chest. His face was damp with tears, and Todd moved towards him.

Priest blocked him, grabbing him and twisting his arm behind him. He screamed, feeling it almost burst from its socket, and fell to his knees. His arm felt like it was on fire, and for a moment he wondered if this was what the attacks were like for Amanda. But then more blows began to rain down on him, and he could hear himself screaming, knowing that no one cared. He could hear Svlad saying something, but it hurt too much to listen, and his vision was narrowing. He yelped as one of his fingers was bent backwards, screaming as it snapped. He sobbed, and a few more kicks fell on him before suddenly it was over.

He was laying on the floor, sobbing in pain. It hurt so much he couldn't stand up. His finger was definitely broken, and his arm was more painful than it had ever been in his life.

He tried to look up but all he could see when he raised his head was Svlad staring at him intently, and he couldn't handle that. Not when he'd just been tortured in Svlad's name. He closed his eyes, and let himself cry, because he knew he was in a bad way. Worse though was the knowledge there was more to come. 

Deep down he knew that this wasn't just him being the most recent in a string of soulmates Svlad had tricked. This was all real, but rather than being a comfort it made things worse. Because Svlad cared.

Svlad had said that they didn't want him for him, they wanted him for the effect he'd have on Svlad. And it was clear he had had an effect, and so his future was likely to be a string of torture. 

This was why he'd been brought here. This was what they had planned for him all along - hurting him to get Svlad to cooperate. Svlad's punching bag. 

At that thought, the fear and pain swamped him, and he began to cry, unable to stop himself. He felt a hand on his shoulder, surprisingly tender, and lacked the strength to shove it off. He leaned in towards the touch.


	6. Svlad - Care and Concern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Svlad tries to look after Todd, even in difficult circumstances.

Svlad watched in horror as Todd was hit, again and again. He knew this was his fault - they had told him this morning that if he failed in his task, it would be Todd who paid the price. But knowing it, and seeing it, were two quite different situations. Knowing it meant he could picture Todd as being brave, as him fighting and swearing and cussing. Seeing it meant he saw how Todd curled in on himself, sobbing in pain.

"Please," he begged Mister Priest, but Mister Priest just looked at him coldly.  
"Really Svlad, if you're going to make this kind of fuss, then you should really have worked a little harder today. You weren't doing well-"  
"I was trying-" Svlad murmured, and flinched when Todd was kicked for him speaking out of turn. "I'm sorry." If Todd's safety was on the line there would be no arguing, no explaining that it didn't work like that. He would do whatever it took to keep his soulmate safe. He promised himself he'd find a way to get Todd back out into the world, playing his guitar with his band. Todd could put it all behind him.

And then Mister Priest had snapped one of Todd's fingers. A little one, so maybe it wasn't needed to play guitar, but still. Svlad seethed in silent rage at the unfairness of it all. He deserved to be hurt when he'd made a mistake, but Todd didn't deserve this.

Todd was sobbing when Priest left, giving Svlad muttered instructions to take him back to his room. Svlad crouched down beside him, pacing a hand on the shoulder that hadn't been twisted.  
"Hi Todd," he whispered, but got no further because Todd leaned against him and for a moment his emotions left him speechless.

He guided him so that Todd's head was resting against his thigh, stroking fingers carefully through the dark strands of his hair. He realised, with a distant kind of sickness, that Todd being hurt meant that he wouldn't need time to recover. When he received a beating like this, he'd sometimes get a couple of hours off from tests the following day so that he could recover from his injuries, but that wouldn't apply now. There'd be no rest time, no recovery - he was still completely uninjured, so he could do whatever they asked of him, and Todd would suffer.

Todd would suffer, and keep on suffering, and all of it would be Svlad's fault. Because he wasn't enough. Because he had never been what Riggins had wanted - not as an experiment, or as a son. He just was what he was, and that wasn't good. 

Todd was shaking against him, leaning into his touch. He crouched down to look at him.  
"Look, much as I am enjoying cuddling and, trust me, I really am enjoying cuddling, I think that you would be much more comfortable back in our room. Plus when we're there I can deal with your finger - I've got some medical tape..." He helped Todd to his feet, walking with him along the corridors and back to his room. He put Todd down on his bed, disappearing into the bathroom. A few years ago he had found a small gap in the bottom of the shower tray, that he could fit things into, if he laid on the floor to access it. No one had ever commented on it, so he could only assume it was secret. 

He used it to hide some medical tape in case he needed it, and a few other things - a screw he'd stolen from a test because it had felt important, and a piece of gravel he'd found on the floor. He doubted Todd would be interested in those treasures, but he would be interested in the tape. 

He fished it out lying on his front, carefully hooking his smallest finger in the gap and wiggling until he was able to retrieve it. He was panting by the end of the exertions, but he had the tape - a little dusty, but usable. Slightly out of breath, he returned to Todd.

Todd was curled up on his bed, the picture of misery, rocking slightly. It was a concern, to see Todd in such distress over a minor beating. But then, the guards always told Svlad he wasn't a real person. Maybe it hurt more if you were. He walked over, kneeling on the floor before Todd's bed.  
"Hey," he murmured, and Todd's eyes flickered up at him. He flashed a smile, holding out the tape.   
"I need to tape your finger to the one next to it. I've done it for myself before, it works."

Reluctantly, Todd held out his hand, and Svlad took it, focusing on the task ahead of him.  
"I'm sorry if this hurts," he whispered, before beginning to bind the broken finger to its neighbour. He could hear Todd's stuttered breaths, but tried not to listen to them, because this was going to help and Todd needed it if he was going to be okay.

When he was satisfied with the taping, he moved away, sitting on the floor with his back against his own bed.  
"Are you okay?" he asked, even though he could see Todd wasn't.  
"'M fine," Todd muttered, but there was defensiveness and pain in his eyes. Svlad nodded slightly.  
"I really am sorry."  
"I know," Todd muttered, and Svlad realised that he meant it. He managed a faint smile.  
"I... I swear this isn't… I'll do my best, okay? I'll find some way I can keep you safe."  
"I know," Todd answered after a moment. "I mean... those sadistic bastards... I don't think you'll manage. "

Svlad had no answer he could possibly give to that. He just sat quietly, as Todd took the time he needed to calm down. Eventually, Todd stumbled to his feet, crossing the space between them, and sitting down beside him. He reached out with his good hand, and Svlad took his hand, holding it gently, staring out at the room in silence. There was nothing he could say, no comfort he could give that wouldn't be a lie. But they could sit here, for a little while, and not be alone.

Eventually it was Todd that spoke.  
"You can't let this keep happening."  
"I'm going to try, I promise," Svlad said, desperation creeping into his voice. "I'll try and protect you."  
"Not... not me," Todd said firmly. "I mean, any of this. You can't just let this... this can't be your life."  
"It is my life," Svlad answered him, confused, and Todd's grip tightened on his hand. Svlad couldn't have explained why it helped, only that it did.

"You never told me."  
"I didn't know how," Svlad admitted, a little ashamed. It was his fault. If he hadn't been so caught up in his lies, in his dream of being free with Todd, then maybe Todd would have realised what a danger he was.   
"They used to check my letters," he admitted, in an attempt to defend himself. He glanced down at the floor. "I... I should have found a way to warn you."

"It... it's okay. Svlad, honestly. It's okay." Todd was saying it, and Svlad couldn't believe it, but Todd still hadn't released his hand. Todd tried to smile and distract him.  
"Tell me about your sister?"  
"Her name's Lamia. We met shortly after I came here. She... she's a really sweet girl."  
"So she's not your sis-your real si-..." Todd opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, before a lightbulb went off in his mind. "You aren't related?"  
"Not genetically. But she's my best friend and she wanted a brother. And she's always listened to me when I talk about you and your concerts and things."

"Does she have a... there are other experiments." Todd was clearly trying to work out something, staring at the name on his wrist. "Are there other people like me here. Prisoners."  
"I don't know," Svlad told him. "I don't get to see the other projects often, because the Colonel says it isn't safe. But Lamia doesn't, because she doesn't have a name at all."  
"What's she like?" Todd asked. "Is she… special? Like you?"  
"She's special in a lot of ways," Svlad answered, trying to pick his words. "She's kind, and caring, and a wonderful actress..." he smiled proudly. "I really hope you can meet her one day. I'll ask the Colonel." He got the feeling that Todd would be surprised by quite how talented she was.

Todd nodded, and quiet fell between them. It wasn't an angry silence, but instead it felt peaceful. Safe. Svlad couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this safe.

A tray appeared through the hatch, with dinner from them both, and Svlad stood up, fetching it over to him and trying to ensure that Todd got the nicer parts of the meal. Todd stared at it in mild disgust.  
"You have to eat this too," he pointed out, trying to redistribute the portions. Svlad laughed a little, and things felt good.

"How is your hand?" he asked gently, and Todd shrugged.  
"It... kind of hurts," Todd told him. "But the taping helped."  
"I do want to hear you play guitar one day. I mean, that isn't why I fixed it but... it'd be nice."  
"It would." Todd sighed. "Sorry I didn't write more."  
"That's okay," Svlad said. "You were busy. I just didn't have anything to do other than plan letters. I'm sure if I had important things like you did, I'd have written less."

Svlad found himself thinking through all the things Todd had been handling. He had been going to college, and playing with his band, and seeing friends, and dating his girlfriend, and dealing with his illness.

"Todd," he stared at Todd in horror. "Your tablets. I'll ask the Colonel for some, I don't want you getting sick. But maybe... maybe they can..." he hesitated, feeling sick with guilt for suggesting it. "Maybe if they trigger an attack rather than beating you, that would... I mean. I don't want them to hurt you, but..." Svlad tried to blink back tears, and Todd put a hand on his arm.   
"I'm okay. I haven't had an attack for a while. Don't... don't ask them to trigger one." Todd was looking away as he spoke, and Svlad felt guilty for suggesting it. He swallowed.  
"We should get some sleep," Svlad murmured, and Todd stared at him.  
"This is really your routine?"  
"Every day aside from holidays because a lot of the staff leave then," Svlad tried to explain, but Todd was still looking at him.  
"How do you stand it?"  
Svlad considered, before giving an honest answer.  
"I had letters from you to look forwards to." He stretched. "They're turning the lights off soon, you should go to your bed. I'll do better in my testing tomorrow." He had to hope that it would work, that he would find a way to keep Todd safe. He moved to lie down on his bed. Todd patted his hair twice before stepping away. Svlad couldn't help noticing that it felt nice, and he smiled to himself as he drifted off to sleep. Todd laid down in his own bed, but wasn't quiet. Instead he started to whisper.  
"You want to hear about one of my concerts?"

"More than anything!" Svlad replied, and listened enthralled to Todd's story.

***

 

Todd's story was really interesting, and quite funny, but Svlad was very tired, and he let Todd's voice wash over him. It was nice, hearing Todd talking. It felt like he wasn't alone. He fell asleep, dreaming of a life with Todd, outside of Blackwing. A life without restrictions, meaning that they could travel, sit in the sunshine, hold hands. It was a good dream, the nicest he could remember having.

His dream stopped when the screaming began.

He sat up rigidly, taking a moment to focus before he saw that Todd was curled up in his bed, screaming in agony. Svlad ran to him, expecting to see more injuries, but his old bruises were fading. Todd howled in agony, and Svlad froze, not sure what to do.  
"Todd, shush, please," he begged, scared of them getting into trouble. Todd couldn't hear him, so Svlad reached out and shook him.

Todd cringed away from his touch, and Svlad tried to remember what he'd learned about pararibulitis. He knew it was a misreading of signals in the brain, neurons getting tangled together to hurt someone, but he didn't know how to fix it.   
"Todd, you need to listen to me." Svlad spoke softly but firmly. He'd have tried to call over help, but he knew the cameras were watched. Perhaps someone was already on their way with the pills, or no one was coming. Either way, there was nothing that he could do to change whether or not the drugs happened. Todd's body was almost convulsing, and cries kept escaping him.

He could try and help him regardless.  
"Todd, focus on my voice. This is an attack. Can you tell me what's happening?"  
"Ice-" Todd murmured, and Svlad nodded, reaching for Todd's hands, holding onto them as he continued to shiver, his screams subsided into whimpers.

"There we go. You're safe, you're warm." He reluctantly released Todd's hand for a moment so that he could drape a blanket over him, and then held onto his hand again. He kept talking, just trying to make noise, to reassure him and give him something to focus on. "You're with me. You're safe, you're warm."

Eventually the shivering stopped, and Todd was blinking back tears of utter exhaustion. Svlad rearranged the blanket around his shoulders, making sure he was comfortable and murmuring soft praise to him. He didn't respond for a moment, but Svlad carried on, just trying to reassure him. He thought about what he'd want if it was him that was hurt, and tried to give Todd that. 

Todd's eyes flickered, and he looked around, disorientated.  
"What happened?" His question was accompanied by a yawn, because he was clearly exhausted by everything that had happened.   
Svlad tried to put on a brave expression.  
"You're safe. It was just a pararibulitis attack. It's gone now."

"I don't have pararibulitis Svlad. I don't... I don't get attacks." Todd's voice sounded utterly defeated with the weight of what he was admitting.  
Svlad hesitated, running gentle fingers through Todd's hair, and shushing him. When he answered, his words were careful, but they were honest.  
"I just saw you have one."


	7. Todd - Friendship and Fresh Starts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically the doctor here is a cameo from Sunshin3boi's character, don't know if he's going to make a reappearance. Thanks to Lourdes for helping with edits. And we get to see Lamia this time!

Todd was exhausted, and he let himself give into his tiredness, because Svlad was touching his hair and talking gently, and it felt safe. He could still feel the aftereffects, the cold lingering in his extremities, and his broken finger ached, but Svlad was soothing him. He drifted off, and woke at the alarm, to find Svlad was still sitting beside him, looking down at him.

"Svlad? You're awake."  
Svlad shrugged a little, glancing at him.   
"I couldn't sleep."  
"Did I trap you?" Todd asked guiltily. Svlad laughed and shook his head.   
"I was thinking and you looked peaceful. But Todd..." He ran his thumb over the name on his wrist, a thoughtlessly intimate gesture which made Todd's heart race. "I... you think this is still me?"  
"I'm sure of it," Todd promised, because he'd given it a lot of thought. Svlad was his soul mate, he just had ended up with a different name. Svlad nodded slowly.  
"I'd like it if you could call me Dirk? If... if that's alright. It just..." He brushed his thumb against the name again. "It makes me feel like I have a purpose that isn't just... that isn't just being here. It feels like... like I matter." He looked away. "Sorry, I'm being stupid, aren't I?"  
"Not at all Dirk," Todd answered. He could do this, could give Dirk something good.

He wasn't sure what made him act next, whether it was the lingering disorientation from the attack, or his nerves, or something else entirely, but he leaned up and gently brushed his lips against Dirk's cheek. Dirk blushed but ducked away.  
"You... you shouldn't," he said softly. "I don't want you to get in trouble."   
"They brought me here to be your soulmate Dirk."  
"I just want you safe," Dirk pleaded, and Todd knew he couldn't say no, not when Dirk asked anything of him. 

"Todd?" Dirk asked quietly. "What did you mean, you don't have pararibulitis?"  
Todd hesitated. He didn't want to lose Dirk. Especially now he did have pararibulitis, if that was what it was. But at the same time, he had to tell him, because otherwise it would be worse if he found out later.  
"I lied," Todd said quietly, hanging his head in shame. "I said it for attention, and then my parents were giving me money and you were interested and..." He hesitated. "I just... there were times I wanted to stop, but stopping would mean admitting I made it all up, and if I did that everyone would hate me so I couldn't-"  
"You lied?" Dirk asked, and Todd was sure he'd sound disgusted, but he didn't. He sounded confused, and somehow that was worse.

"Yeah."  
"Why would you lie Todd? I studied pararibulitis, asked for books about it. It's terrible. I don't.... why would you want to pretend you had something like that?"  
Todd had no answer to give to Dirk's question. He just looked towards the door, half-hoping that someone would take Dirk for testing. But there was no one here yet, and Dirk was staring at him.   
"Why did you lie to me?"  
"It wasn't..." Todd frowned. "Because I'm a fuckup. I thought I could make things better and it all spiralled out of control and I hate it but I can't take it back. I can't tell my parents and even if I did, I've spent their money, and I'm just a liar who ruins-"  
Dirk grabbed his hands, and tried to catch Todd's eye.  
"Todd. You have pararibulitis."

"That was... that was my first attack. I lied-"  
"Well, you aren't lying any more," Dirk answered, then looked at him. "We need to get you the pills. I'll talk to the doctors today, see what I can sort out, and you can just… rest, okay? After a pararibulitis attack you should rest and drink water." He tensed. "Someone's coming. I'll get you help, I promise." He squeezed Todd's hands and then got to his feet, going to greet his escort.

Todd lay alone, his thoughts echoing around his head. He had pararibulitis, and he deserved it after everything. After telling so many lies this was some kind of divine punishment, and he deserved it but he was still afraid. He curled up a little on the bed, trying not to think about how vulnerable he was, trying to remember what his aunt had said about triggering the attacks. He deserved this. He knew he deserved it, but he was afraid, and he was trapped, and he'd nearly kissed Dirk. All those thoughts echoed around his head, and he wasn't able to rest. In the end he got to his feet, pacing the cell and hoping that soon somehow things would make some sense.  
It didn't help, just made him feel slightly dizzy. He waited for Dirk to return from testing, hoping that he would at least have something to say. His soulmate had to come back soon. He needed him.

He did have pararibulitis. He wasn't living a lie any more, and he wasn't sure what that meant for him but it might be a fresh start.

When the door to his room opened he almost smiled, until he saw that it wasn't Dirk there. It was a man in a lab coat, who stepped forwards and looked him over.   
"Icarus says you have pararibulitis."  
"I do," Todd admitted.   
"Here." He held out a bottle. "This is Promadivan, it will help with the seizures. You need to take two each day for prevention of attacks, if you have one you should take another two."

Todd took the bottle, staring at him in surprise.   
"Th...Thank you?" He wasn't sure what was going on. But Dirk had said he'd get him medicine, and now he had it, so that was good. Dirk was helping him, even though they were both trapped.  
"You're welcome," the doctor answered. "Let me know if you have more than two attacks a day without direct causes-"  
"What?"  
"Well, if you fall down some stairs and have an attack that's to be expected," the doctor explained, and Todd could hear the warning behind it. If he had an attack as a result of torture, that was just normal. Maybe that sounded soothing to the doctor, but Todd didn't find it particularly reassuring.

He turned the bottle over in his hands. It held 180 tablets. Three months worth - was the man still expecting him to be here in three months? Were they really planning to keep him forever? He could feel himself panic, but before he could get too worked up the door opened again and Dirk stepped in, startling to see someone there before speaking stiffly.  
"Doctor."  
"Icarus. If he has an attack ensure he takes two pills."   
"Yes." Dirk nodded, and the man walked past out of the room. Dirk walked over and smiled.   
"See, things are working out."

Todd wasn't sure if Dirk was actually that optimistic, or if his soul mate was just putting on a brave face. Either way, he was glad - he needed something positive to hold onto at that moment. And Dirk was positive. He wanted to protect him.

It didn't even make sense. From what he had seen, the world had been nothing but cruel to Dirk. It had kept him a prisoner, given him an asshole as a soul mate, and then given his soulmate a disease. Dirk's days were full of scientific testing, broken up with patches of torture and manipulation. And Dirk stayed good.

Todd didn't understand how he managed that. How Dirk managed to smile every day, how he wanted to help. But Dirk had said that Todd gave him strength, and he would find a way to keep doing that.

Dirk carefully placed the pills under Todd's bed, and then embraced him.  
"I missed you in tests today."  
"I missed you… not the testing though."  
Dirk laughed slightly, and nodded, biting his lip slightly and bouncing on the balls of his feet.Todd wondered what it was that he was wanting to say, mentally counting down until the words exploded from him. He didn't have long to wait.

"The Colonel said I can take you to meet Project Lamia if I do well on my testing for the next two days!"   
"That's… good?"  
"Lamia's my sister Todd. She's absolutely marvellous. She's very worried about meeting you, but you are both great and so I am sure you will get along."  
Todd nodded. He could see this meant the world to Dirk, and if that was true then he'd try and get along with her, even if she was awful. 

"Like I said Todd, she's a wonderful actress. If you could say something nice about her performance, it really would mean the world to her, she's been so anxious about meeting you."

"I'm sure I can say something positive about it," Todd agreed, and Dirk beamed at him, going to grab the food when it was delivered.   
"I'm so glad you got the pills. We can make sure you take them, and -"  
Todd nodded, taking his share of the food, and trying to silence the worry nagging in his mind at the thought he'd be here forever. He didn't want to leave Dirk. He just wanted them both to get out of there, and hopefully for them to get out soon.

***

Dirk seemed to be brighter than before the next few days, driven by his determination to see his sister. Todd could do nothing to help, only able to sit in their room, waiting for Dirk's return. He was glad he wasn't being tortured more, although he worried how long it would last. Maybe they were giving him time to recover, or maybe Dirk was just giving them whatever results they wanted to see. 

Either way, he was relieved every time that it was Dirk who opened the door. Dirk always hesitated before approaching, as though he didn't want to invade what little space Todd had, but Todd would beckon him over, and Dirk would rest against him. He realised on the second day just how tired the testing always left Dirk. They were working him too hard, with no rest, because they didn't care. That thought chilled him - that there was no concern, no consideration for Dirk's health as long as they got the results they wanted. But he had his pills, and days passed without another attack, which was some comfort.

Dirk was almost skipping in joy when he returned from testing on the third day, and Todd could make out the Colonel behind him.  
"You're going to meet my friends. Now, Todd, I have a favour to ask..." Dirk had reached out, resting his thumb over Todd's soul name. "When you meet Moloch, I want you to be kind to him okay? He's quite quiet but he's a good listener, and I'm his friend. It'll only be brief, because the Colonel says you wouldn't want to see him, but then you can meet Lamia. I saw her earlier and she is just as excited as I am."

Todd nodded, and Dirk was pulling him from their room, down the corridor. He pushed open the door, and Todd was stunned by what he saw.

On a bed, surrounded by tubes and machines which beeped, was a pale man, clean shaven and hooked to monitors. Dirk walked straight over to him, taking his hand and squeezing it gently. "Moloch? It's me." He glanced up towards the Colonel and cleared his throat. "You know. 'Svlad'. Well, I've brought my soulmate to visit. His name's Todd, and he's... he's perfect. Todd, say hello."  
"Dirk, what's wrong with him?"  
"Nothing?" Dirk frowned. "He's not ill again is he?" He checked the other man's temperature, seeming relieved by what he found. "He's just in a coma."  
"He's in a coma?" Todd queried, disbelieving. Dirk shrugged.

"He's been in a coma for a long time. But that means he isn't dangerous, and I can come and sit with him and talk to him, and I think... I'm sure he listens. He never gets angry with me or judges me..." Dirk looked wounded that Todd might dislike his friend, so Todd made himself smile and ignored the nerves gnawing away inside of him.  
"Oh. Well I'm glad he listens." He suddenly felt very afraid of what meeting Dirk's 'sister' might entail.

Dirk relaxed a little, and squeezed Moloch's hand again. "Todd, please say hello to him?" He sounded almost desperate, and Todd couldn't refuse, even if he wanted to. He sighed softly and smiled.   
"Hello Moloch."  
The smile Dirk gifted him with in response was dazzling, and then he was back on his feet, walking with Todd back out of the room.   
"Thank you for saying hello. I'm sure he appreciates it," Dirk was saying, and Todd was too stunned to argue. Dirk took his hand, and the Colonel frowned, but Dirk held tight as he led him down the corridor.

The Colonel opened the door, and the first thing Todd noticed was four guards, standing with guns pointed at a glass box. Inside the box there was a small white kitten, with a pink bow at the top of her head, and a bigger one around her neck. It took Todd a moment to place that she looked like the kitten in that movie that Amanda used to watch dozens of times when they were kids.  
"Uh..."  
"Hello Lamia!" Dirk waved, and the kitten yawned, stretching out her paws, and standing up, tail swishing from side to side. Dirk looked hopefully at the Colonel, who nodded and opened a door to the box. The kitten stepped outside on wobbly legs, and Dirk scooped her up, cuddling her to his chest and making soft soothing noises, carrying her over towards Todd.  
"Todd, this is Lamia."  
"She's a cat."  
"She's an _actress,_ " Dirk insisted.

"Well if she's pretending to be a cat she's a little too convincing," Todd muttered, and Dirk looked genuinely hurt, holding out one of Lamia's paws towards him.   
"She's been nervous about meeting you Todd. Please..." There was such sadness in Dirk's eyes that Todd sighed.

"Hello Lamia." She might not have been what he was expecting, but lots of people talked to their cats. It was one of the more normal things Dirk had done. Dirk looked at her paw, and Todd rolled his eyes, reaching out to grasp her paw and shake it gently.

Dirk beamed, nuzzling into the kitten's fur.  
"I knew the two of you would get along."  
"Yeah," Todd conceded with a fond smile, knowing this wasn't the strangest thing he'd had to deal with.   
"What's your favourite animal Todd?" Dirk asked, continuing to fuss over the kitten, who purred out her appreciation in utter delight.

Todd considered for a moment, then shrugged.   
"A wolf." 

Dirk's grin took on an almost mischievous quality, and he crouched to drop the kitten to the floor. She stumbled, righted herself, and suddenly wasn't a kitten any more. Where previously there had been a soft, fluffy kitten, there was now a large wolf, claws tapping on the tile, fur caked in mud and snow. It growled, and Todd took a step backwards. Dirk seemed not to have noticed the change, reaching out to pat the monster behind the ears, and being rewarded with it nuzzling his leg, its tail wagging from side to side.

The armed guards shifted nervously, their grip tight on their weapons, but the Colonel told them to hold. Dirk continued to pat the wolf, barely registering the way it shifted and snarled.  
"You're doing great, isn't she Todd?"

Todd nodded, too disoriented to give any more answer. Dirk beamed at him, and crouched down so that he and the wolf were nose to snout. Todd flinched in case Dirk was about to be eaten, but Dirk seemed utterly unbothered about the whole situation. Todd was a few feet away, and every instinct he had was telling him to get out of there, ideally having rescued his mate, but Dirk was completely ignoring everyone around him.  
"This is Todd. He'd like to talk to you Lamia. Do you think you could be something a little more communicative? In whatever way you'd like?"

The wolf whined, nuzzling against him twice before changing. Todd couldn't quite see what stood there for a moment, until Dirk moved away to reveal a young woman standing there in a jumpsuit a different colour from Dirk's own.

"That... that's a person, Dirk."   
"Excellent observation Todd. Lamia is indeed a person, and she is an excellent actress, isn't she?" Dirk had his arms around the woman protectively, gently patting her the way he had done to the cat and the wolf.

"She ...is," Todd conceded, still a little shocked by what he had seen. "I’ve never seen anything like it."  
"Lamia is rather unique," Dirk said proudly, before gently poking her in the shoulder. "Go on, say hello to him."

Lamia raised a hand, waving.  
"Hello Todd."  
Todd awkwardly waved back, and she turned to Dirk.  
"He's littler than I thought he was going to be."  
"I know, but he's very handsome..."  
She gently poked Dirk in the shoulder, leaning in to whisper to him, glancing between him and Todd. Dirk nodded, and a moment later the girl was gone, and instead there was a black and red electric guitar. Dirk picked it up, and approached Todd.  
"Only if you want to-" he murmured, and Todd took the guitar.  
"It's not plugged in?" he pointed out. Dirk frowned a little.   
"She doesn't need to be. If she wants to be a guitar she can be a guitar." Dirk patted the side of the instrument fondly.

"So I just-"  
"Just play her. If she doesn't like it she'll let you know."

Todd had played a lot of gigs, but he didn't think he'd ever felt as nervous holding a guitar as he did at that moment, only too aware that he was holding a guitar that was actually a person. Still, he took a deep breath and strummed.

The sound was actually pretty good, so he focused on that, trying not to think about what it was he was holding. Dirk seemed enthralled, and he couldn't resist the urge to show off, singing softly. Dirk looked a little less pleased with some of his music, so he tried to think of something Dirk would enjoy, and remembered the song he'd learned for an exam. He looked into Dirk's eyes as he sung.  
" _I never made promises lightly, and there have been some that I've broken, but I swear in the days still left, we'll walk in fields of gold._ "   
Dirk looked away, a fond smile on his lips. 

The Colonel cleared his throat.  
"You should go back to your room now boys."

Todd relinquished the guitar, and it turned back into a young woman, embracing first Todd and then Dirk before she climbed back into her box and the door was once again sealed.

Dirk flinched slightly, so Todd held his hand as they walked back.


	8. Dirk - Hope and Hopelessness

Dirk grinned to himself as they walked back home, because Todd was holding onto his hand. Their fingers were interlinked, and he was walking beside Todd, and Todd wasn't trying to pull away or accusing him of being evil or of manipulating him. His soulmate was actually acting like his soulmate, and he was delighted by it.  
"Thank you for being kind to Lamia," he murmured to Todd. He knew that Todd hadn't felt very comfortable to start with, but he had pushed through it, and he was sure it would have meant a lot to her.

Todd shrugged, his face squishing up slightly, the way it did when he was happy. Dirk thought that was probably his absolutely favourite Todd-expression, even though it had competition from the way Todd looked when he sang, and when he played guitar, and Dirk smiled to himself because he had actually got to listen to Todd play, and Lamia had got to help. It felt like a dream.

The door to their room opened, and Dirk went to sit on his bed, smiling fondly at Todd who smiled back. Riggins appeared in the doorway.  
"Boys, don't stay up too late, you've got a full day of testing tomorrow. Svlad, I'm not going to be lowering the lighting as much in here when you sleep."  
"Yes sir," Svlad answered, and Riggins walked away. Todd frowned.  
"He's not lowering the light?"  
"I think he's supervising us," Dirk admitted quietly. "Todd... you... today was good."

"Today was good," Todd agreed. Dirk nodded because there wasn't really much else he could say. He couldn't lie and pretend he was happy about their situation, or claim that he wasn't afraid of the next time he messed up, and Todd got hurt. But they got a day together, without that pain, without Todd being hurt. And he'd got the chance to introduce Todd to both of his friends. Dirk laid back in his bed, aware it was probably getting late, and Todd mirrored him in his own bed.

"I wish you were still outside," Dirk admitted. "I never wanted this to be where you ended up."  
"I know," Todd said softly. "And I miss being outside but I... this is with you. And I'm meant to be with you."  
"We're meant to be together," Dirk agreed, tucking Todd's words safely away into his heart, where no one could take them from him. "But I never meant to ruin your life."

"Huh?"  
"Well, you've got pararibulitis, you're trapped, you-"  
"Dirk," Todd said firmly, making Dirk fall quiet. "You didn't ruin my life." He sighed, staring up at the ceiling, and on a whim Dirk reached out. He couldn't cross the distance between their beds on his own, but a moment later Todd reached out, holding onto his hand. Todd's fingers brushed against his, and he was quiet for a moment, deep in thought before he spoke. "I ruined my life. I lied. I lied to everyone, even my sister, and I was trying to pretend that everything was fine, that I'd done nothing wrong. I was stealing from my parents, from my friends, and I... I was blaming you. For all of it, even things that could never have been your fault, because I needed to blame someone and didn't want to face the fact the problem was me."

"You... you aren't a problem-"  
"I was," Todd said, and Dirk fell quiet, knowing that he needed to say it. "I was lying, and I was scared. And you were an easy target because you weren't there, and I imagined you were somewhere better than me. That you were cheating and-"  
"I'd never-" Dirk interrupted, and Todd sighed.

"I know you didn't Dirk. But it was easier to blame you. Hell, even now I'm tempted to just say that everything was fine before I was kidnapped by a fucking... I don't even know. A cult? An agency? Whatever the hell this is, it's fucked up and it should never be allowed to happen but it brought me you. It brought me you Dirk. You didn't ruin my life. I'd already done that."

Dirk squeezed Todd's hand, as the lights dimmed a little, but still bright enough for the cameras to work. He was fairly sure the cameras had infrared and the like, and the added observation was more for them than the people behind the camera, a reminder that they were being watched.  
"Well you changed my life Todd. I never... I mean, you've met my friends, and I love them, but... you're my soulmate. You don't turn into a chair or never answer back. You... you give me a reason, and they use it against us, but you still... You mean the world to me."

Todd was smiling, and the lights were bright enough that Dirk could make out his features perfectly.  
"Night Dirk."  
"Night Todd." He gave Todd's hand one more squeeze before he let go and pulled his own hand back to his bed.

Sleep didn't come easily to Dirk. He lay there, brushing his finger over the tattoo on his wrist where his soulmark should have been, wishing that it said Todd's name. But Blackwing had stolen that, because in their mind it was better he didn't have a name. It was a temptation to a world beyond their cells, an idea of a life that didn't revolve around performing whatever they wanted, so they'd taken it away.

But they'd given him Todd.

Todd's breathing had slowed a little as he slept, and Dirk smiled to himself, glad at least one of them was resting peacefully. His own mind was just full of thoughts, and he kept remembering Todd singing to him. It wasn't like attending one of Todd's concerts, but it was closer than he had ever thought he would. 

He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, because he needed to be rested in the morning. He could sleep after torture, but for some reason today rest evaded him as he thought about Todd.

***

Todd let out an indignant yelp as the alarm woke him, but Dirk had already been sat up in bed, enjoying the last few moments of watching Todd sleep. He looked peaceful, and he liked that. Todd noticed him looking at him, and smiled. Dirk liked that smile, wanted to keep it. He was about to try and explain that when the door opened, and Priest walked in looking if anything a little bored.  
"Rise and shine kiddos. We got a lot of tests today."

"Oh?"  
"You know that number game you like so much Svladdy? The one with the special hat?"  
Dirk nodded, taking a deep breath to try and hide his panic at the memory of the shocks.   
"Well, the doctors think they got it calibrated so it sets off epileptic attacks in susceptible people. And today, you don't have to go in the chair. Don't that sound good?"

Dirk wanted to argue, but he was scared. He slowly shook his head, and Priest laughed.  
"Ah well, I thought you might like the rest Svlad."  
"Hurt me instead? Or… or take him away."  
"That ain't fun boy," Priest answered, reaching out and ruffling his hair. "Cute of you to try, but that ain't fun. So we're going to do it my way. Come on."

"Dirk?" Todd hissed, his voice little more than a whisper. Dirk longed to say no, to shake his head and tell Todd to rest, but it didn't seem to work. Arguing would only make it worse.  
"Come on boys. Todd, how's that finger?"  
"'s okay," Todd muttered, shooting Priest a glare. Dirk flinched slightly at that, not wanting Todd to end up in trouble. He walked with Priest down the labyrinthine corridors, until they ended up somewhere that he recognised.

"Mister Priest sir?" Dirk whispered, his voice trembling a little. "Can I set him up please?"  
"Sure thing," Priest answered. "Just no smooching, the boss has banned it."

Todd looked confused, and Dirk felt his face colour slightly at the implication that was his plan. He helped Todd over to the machine, showing him how to sit down. It was roughly constructed, all hard edges and metal, and there was nothing you could do to reduce the pain. Still, he ran his thumb over Todd's soulname, tapping his fingertips against it like a kiss. Todd smiled faintly, and Dirk could see the hope in his eyes, didn't know how to handle it.  
"I'm sorry."  
"It's not your fault," Todd whispered, and Dirk nodded, even if he knew it was his fault. If he could just pass the stupid tests, if he could just use his powers the way he was meant to, then Todd wouldn't be hurt. He wanted that. More than anything he wanted to keep Todd safe, but he already knew he would fail. He made sure the helmet was resting against his head, careful that nothing too sharp would come in contact when Todd started to thrash and fight.

"I'll try," Dirk mumbled, and Todd nodded, looking Dirk straight in the eye. There was so much emotion in his expression that Dirk didn't really know where to start, how to make sense of it. Still, he went and sat at the new chair in the room, square on to the device, and watched as the coloured balls started to spin around in the air, faster and faster, until it spat one out.   
"Three," Dirk said, hoping, begging for it to drop down into the right place. It didn't. The screaming started as a second ball was released.

It wasn't working. The first five numbers, he got wrong. The way he always did. And Todd was screaming. Todd kept screaming, every number that Dirk called out.

There was nothing that Dirk could do to fix it. Every time he tried, he was getting it wrong. He stared at Priest and shook his head, putting his hands over his mouth. He wouldn't say any numbers, and that might at least spare Todd some pain. If not, at least it wouldn't be his fault that Todd was suffering.

"I'm not feeling like being patient today Icarus," Priest told him coldly. "I don't have time for you to mess around." He reached over, fiddling with the controls, and Todd's screams got louder, more desperate. Dirk flinched, looking up at the machine.   
"Five. Three. Two." Each time he kept trying to get it right, and it wasn't working. It never worked. What he did never worked how they wanted it to work, and it was always him who paid the price.

The screaming stopped, and Dirk looked at the machine curiously, wondering if somehow he'd got an answer right. But there was nothing. He twisted, looking over at Todd. Todd was laying limply in the restraints.

Priest turned off the machine, and Dirk raced to Todd, brushing fingers against Todd's face.  
"Look at me. Todd, come on, look at me."   
Todd's eyes flickered a little, and he whined softly. Dirk embraced him.   
"Come on Todd. Please, you've got to wake up, you've got to..." Todd's breath was a little too fast, his eyes not opening. Dirk looked up at Priest.  
"I think he's sick..."  
"Course he is," Priest answered. "He's your soulmate."

Dirk glared slightly, biting back any response. He wondered if Priest had a soul mate. He wasn't sure that Priest even had a soul.  
"Think he’s had a long enough break Svlad. Back to testing."

Dirk wanted to argue, to point out Todd wasn't even conscious, but Priest's hand was resting against the dial. All that Dirk could do to try and protect him was get the answers right. 

He wanted to cry, to give in to despair, but it wouldn't work. He kept guessing numbers, and trying not to listen to Todd's weak groans until he fell silent.

***

Dirk half-carried, half-dragged Todd back to their room. He gently guided Todd down to the bed, as the door clicked closed. He laid down beside him, spooning around Todd and wrapping his arms around him.  
"It's over, Todd. It's over."

Todd groaned slightly, and Dirk embraced him tighter.  
"You did it Todd. It's over, you're safe, it's done." He tried to tell Todd everything he always wanted to hear after he had been tortured, in the hope that it might help him a little.

Todd gave a pitiful sound, starting to cry, and Dirk nuzzled his shoulder. Todd had woken up, that was a good sign.   
"It's over for now Todd, you did it."  
"How... when did..." Todd started to ask, his voice shaking. He coughed a little, clearing his throat and then trying again. "When did they start doing that to you?"

"We'd started by the time I met you, but it wasn't... it wasn't so bad. The shocks weren't so bad, because I was only... I was only young then." He shrugged.   
"How did you survive it?"  
"I'd tell myself your letters, if it got too painful," Dirk answered honestly. "I memorised them, because they helped, a lot. Just random letters, when it hurt... things like 'Svlad, got a good score in math, and learned a new song on guitar', messages like that. They made me happy. You... you make me happy."

Todd nodded, leaning against him, the two of them laying there quietly. The dinner was placed by the door, but Dirk stayed with Todd, who had fallen silent. He wasn't sure if Todd was asleep or not, but tried to twist to look at him. Todd was laying with his eyes open, tears streaking his cheeks. Dirk wished he could fix this.  
"You..." Todd started to talk, his voice little more than a whisper. "You... make me happy too Dirk."   
Given that Todd was crying, Dirk wasn't sure he believed him, but he also didn't want it to be a lie. He wanted to make Todd happy.


	9. Todd - Romance and Reckoning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your support!

Dirk's arms around Todd's waist felt secure. His body ached, and he wasn't sure whether he'd had another attack, or if it had been the electrocution itself. But Dirk was solid against him, Dirk was real.

Eventually, reluctantly, Dirk peeled away, going to fetch the tray, and Todd pushed himself to sit up. Dirk handed over the food, and Todd took it, even though he didn't feel hungry. That was going to be his future. Just the rest of his life, until he died. Tests and no real recovery. He probably deserved it, after all of the lies he had told. But Dirk didn't deserve it.

"Todd, you've got to eat," Dirk prompted. Todd stared at the food in his hands, not sure what to do.  
"Dirk?" he asked softly. "You... you remembered the letters?"  
"They never let me keep them for long, and if I made too many mistakes they’d destroy them before I got them.” Dirk said simply. "So when I could, I made myself remember."

Todd thought about those letters. Letters he hadn't really cared about, that he'd just written whenever he'd felt guilty for not writing. Just a few brief lines, in answer to the pages Dirk had written. He'd failed him. Todd had failed everyone, and Dirk had always done everything he could for him. Todd wasn't sure what he could make of that, what it said about who he was.

Dirk deserved a better soulmate.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.  
"Not your fault, you were busy," Dirk said, so calmly, and Todd felt almost sick with guilt and pain. He reached out, squeezing Dirk's hand, and Dirk smiled.  
"I'd kiss you if we wouldn't get in trouble," Dirk whispered, leaning in to whisper in his ear. Todd smiled and nodded.  
"Same to you."  
"You really should eat," Dirk insisted, and Todd did so. Even if he was just rebuilding his strength so that he could be tortured, Dirk needed him. Todd wasn't sure if he'd ever been needed before.

He wasn't sure he could live up to Dirk's expectations, but Dirk did need his help, and so he could do that. He nudged Dirk with an elbow.  
"You have to eat too. Don't want you collapsing on me."  
Dirk nodded slowly, and took his own share of the food. Todd ate in silence, and when the meal was over he stumbled to the door to leave the tray.

"I'm… I'm sorry I was such an asshole when we met Dirk." He paused. "Both times we met. And... and all the time in between."  
"You had other things to do, and then you were scared..." Dirk answered, trying to rationalise it all away.  
"Dirk," Todd interrupted, appreciating that Dirk wanted to help but needing to say this. "I had stuff, sure, but nothing like this. This place is hell. If I'd known..." He hesitated, and shook his head. "I'd have probably still been a dick, because that's what I'm like. But maybe I could have helped."  
"You did help," Dirk said softly. "Those letters, every single one of them. It helped so much."

"They were just... scraps. You deserved better, you deserved me writing proper letters not just notes I scribbled in a rush and-"  
"And sure you said you just scribbled them down. But you still wrote them Todd. I wasn't there for you either, and you clearly _hated_ writing to me, but you still did it," Dirk told him, squeezing his hand. "You wrote. That matters."

Todd didn't think he had an answer to that. He yawned, and laid down, and Dirk went back to his own bed, glancing over at him.  
"Wish I could sing to you," Dirk muttered.  
"You can. Don't mind if it's not in tune," Todd said, because even if Dirk was terrible at singing it might still give him something good to focus on.  
"I don't know any songs," Dirk mumbled, and Todd's insides twisted painfully. He took a deep breath, and then another, trying to stay calm and prevent an attack, and after a moment, the pain passed.

"I sang to you earlier."  
"I know but... but that's your song to me," Dirk answered, then paused and smiled. "I know a song!"  
"Oh?"  
Dirk grinned, sitting up smartly on his bed with his hands folded.  
"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Todd, happy birthday to you!" 

Todd swallowed and nodded.  
"Don't suppose you want to sleep over here tonight?"

Dirk nodded, climbing back in behind him and wrapping his arms around Todd's waist. Todd shot a glare at the camera, as Dirk hummed the happy birthday song quietly, clearly attempting a lullaby. Todd rolled his eyes but nuzzled back against him, feeling safe in Dirk's arms.

He drifted off to sleep not long after, exhausted by the torture of the day, waking to a cold bed and the blaring of the alarm. He sat up, finding Dirk perched on the end of his bed, a broad smile on his face.  
"I had an idea," Dirk told him firmly. "I know how I can… how I can help. I don't know how to get us out of here. But I can keep you alive."  
"Oh?" Todd asked, intrigued if a little concerned by whatever idea Dirk had come up with now.  
"I won't work if you die," Dirk said, firmly, and turned his gaze up to the security camera, gazing it with something close to fury. Todd was a little startled by the anger he could see, but Dirk carried on. "They can do whatever they want to me, torture me, but I won't do it. I won't work for them, ever, if they kill you."

Seemingly overwhelmed by his display of bravery, Dirk sat back down on the edge of the bed and wrapped his arms around himself. "They can't kill you Todd. I need you."  
"I won't go anywhere." Todd promised, and then the door opened and once again Svlad was taken away. Todd watched him leave, his heart aching. He knew it was good he wasn't being kidnapped as an incentive for Dirk's work, but it was still scary being alone. Dirk's words continued to echo in his mind, the thought that Dirk might throw away what little he had to keep him safe.

If Todd died, Dirk's life would be far worse than before, and Todd cared about him too much to let that happen. He had to find a way out. 

He gazed around the cell, trying to find a solution. He knew there were other experiments, but had no idea where they were or if they could help. Moloch certainly had no help to offer them.

Lamia though, could be very helpful, if only he could find a way to get a message to her. She was always heavily guarded, so he didn't hold much hope, but he was aware that if he was going to do this, then Dirk would need to know his plan, and he had to contact Lamia. Then the three of them could escape, and they could put everything that had happened behind them.

He walked around the room, stretching a little and then glancing at the camera.  
"I'm really bored you know. Isn't there anything I can do to help?"

The camera continued to gaze unblinkingly down at him, but he had to hope that someone had heard, and that they'd give him a chance to assist, so he could work out where they were and what was going on.

When Dirk arrived that evening, Todd had been alone all day, deep in his thoughts. Dirk staggered a little, close to collapse, and Todd helped him to his own bed. He could see Dirk needed to rest. He cleared his throat.  
"Dirk, what do you know about the layout of this place?"


	10. Dirk - An Ending and A Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to everyone who supported me throughout writing this fic, especially lourdesdeath for their support and encouragement. Thank you also to everyone who commented! I hope you all enjoyed it! I am considering a sequel after I've written the DGHDA big bang.

Dirk hesitated, picking his words carefully, not wanting to land the two of them in trouble. Todd was close to him, and he couldn't help leaning over to rest his head on Todd's shoulder. A moment later Todd's fingers stroked through his hair, and he shivered a little in pleasure, enjoying some contact that didn't hurt after so much pain.  
"I know some of it." He considered. "I thought... well, I tend to be kept at the lower levels. But I know there are a lot of guards, we wouldn't -"  
"Don't worry about why I want to know." Todd almost snapped his words, and Dirk flinched, only to calm when Todd's hand rubbed his back. "Sorry. Was it a bad day?"  
"No worse than normal," Dirk said carefully. "Just glad that today they weren't hurting you for my mistakes. It... it makes a change. But it's... I don't want you hurt Todd. You mean the world to me."

Todd's smile looked a little pained, sadness in there which meant the smile itself didn't reach his eyes. Dirk hated that he'd made him look sad. He never wanted Todd upset because of him.  
Todd kept up the gentle touches, brushing across his back, and Dirk found himself relaxing. It was hard to be afraid when Todd was being so kind.  
"I don't think there's any way out of here. They say if… if I master my powers, I can work with them. They've always promised that, but I've... I've always failed. And I don't think that's going to change, I'm... I'm sorry Todd-"  
"They're being unfair to you," Todd insisted, resting a hand on Dirk's shoulder, his thumb rubbing circles through the fabric of Dirk's jumpsuit. Dirk couldn't help relaxing further into the touch.

"Maybe, but they're help-"  
"Are they though Dirk? Really? Can you tell me honestly that any of this, anything they've done at all, has helped you?"  
Dirk fell silent, his arms wrapping tightly around himself. There were several answers he could give, and he blinked back tears as he tried not to overthink it, not to consider what he'd lost when he'd been brought in here. Eventually, he answered.  
"They brought you here. You've helped. Even... I don't want you here. But it has helped."

"If you'd been free we would have met properly," Todd pressed, and Dirk shrugged a little. He had no idea what the system was like if you weren't a prisoner. If you were outside of Blackwing. For him, his name had appeared, and Riggins had looked at it coldly, and then the wheels had been set in motion. There was nothing else he needed to think about. 

"Would you still have found me?" he asked, aware the question probably sounded stupid. For all that he had tried to learn in Blackwing, he knew there were some things that he was totally ignorant of, and this was among them.  
"I'd have found you easier. We'd both get registered, and then meetings are arranged-"  
"Is that what your sister is doing?" Dirk asked, imagining what it would be like to just meet up with Todd, completely of their own choice. He thought that maybe they could have a picnic together, that seemed like a good choice for their first date.

"No. No one's been found who matches. Her's is... different." Todd gripped Dirk's arm, turning it so that the Blackwing brand was visible, and traced what at first looked like a _B_ on the tender skin there.

Dirk stared at him wide eyed, then cleared his throat, and wrote out the same symbol again, this time skipping the vertical line _3_. Wordlessly, Todd nodded, and Dirk looked at him in horror. He knew exactly who that particular soulmark matched, and he didn't want them going anywhere near Todd's sister. Todd looked at him, frowned, and swore.  
"You can't-"  
"I won't tell," Dirk promised. It would be better they didn't know. If they didn't know, they couldn't kidnap Todd's sister, couldn't bring her into here. Todd hugged him for a moment, and Dirk returned the embrace. He yawned, still aching from the tests he had endured, and Todd guided him to lay down, moving to lay beside him, a hand resting over his chest. 

Dirk allowed himself to drift off in Todd's arms, woken when it was time to eat, and then once again held in a way that felt safe. Dirk had never realised before, how little he felt safe. It was only now, when he did feel like he could relax, that he began to understand how much stress he was under all of the rest of the time, how pressure and fear controlled his every move.

But time with Todd was different. Time with Todd was special, in a way that he couldn't easily articulate.  
"I'll do better on tests tomorrow-" he lied, and Todd made a soft noise of agreement, holding him close, so that Dirks back was pressed against Todd's front. He began to whisper there, and Dirk concentrated on hearing, secure in the idea that the cameras wouldn't be able to pick it up.  
"Just give me some time Dirk. I'll get us out of here."

Dirk nodded a little, then yawned before whispering.  
"Just... keep safe."  
"I will," Todd promised. He nuzzled against him, and Dirk felt himself begin to drift.

***

The next day he returned from tests to find Todd there, holding a sheet of paper.  
"Todd?"  
"I spoke to the doctor, he gave me some paper and a pen so that I can write to you. You... you deserved a proper letter, after all the times I just... I wasn't good to you. I'm sorry."  
"You're good now," Dirk answered without hesitation, shifting a little as he stood to avoid putting weight on his newest bruises.

Todd hesitated, glancing at the paper.   
"You want me to read it or-"  
"Could you read it to me?" Dirk asked quietly, his heart racing at the thought that Todd would have taken the time to write to him. 

"Sure." Todd cleared his throat, then went to sit on his own bed, facing Dirk. "Just... don't laugh, okay? I'm not... not a sappy person."  
Dirk thought of all the times that Todd had held him, had soothed away his pain and fear, and only just resisted the urge to query that. If Todd wanted to tell people that he was tough, Dirk could allow it. Todd swallowed a little, fidgeted, then looked down at the paper, his hands trembling a little as he read.  
"Dear Dirk, I'm sorry that it's been a while since I wrote, and I'm sorry the letters haven't been as long as you deserved. I was... I was a jerk. And you deserved better. But I'm what you've got, so I'll try and do my best, and maybe in time that's going to be enough. I can't promise you that I can make things better. I want to just sweep you out of here, to take you away from this place, but we both know that I can't do that. So I'm going to stay strong for you, work with you, and help you every day, in whatever way I can. I'll sing to you, if you'd like. It's not like being at a concert, but it's something. And... I'm glad I'm with you. I'm sorry I was so shitty when I came here. I was scared, but you were scared too, and you were kind. I can't imagine having a better soulmate. You're weird. But you're good, and I... I'm a better person when I'm with you. I've never been a good person before, and it doesn't come easily to me, but I want to try. To be the kind of person you deserve. Yours, Todd." 

Todd held out the piece of paper, his hand quivering a little, and Dirk snatched it from him, gazing at it in wonder as his eyes scanned over it.  
"You are the best person, Todd," he told him. Todd snorted a little in disbelief, but he didn't argue, and Dirk leaned over and hugged him. He hissed slightly in pain, but he hugged Todd tight, and then released him to lay on his bed.  
"The doctor came today?"  
"I had another attack," Todd admitted, and Dirk looked at him in concern, trying to sit up. Todd shook his head, trying to signal for him to sit back down.  
"It's not important, Dirk."  
"You had a pararibulitis attack Todd-"  
"I know," Todd said with a shrug. "But those... those just happen now. I took my drugs, and they helped, and the doctor was just checking up on me."  
"And-"  
"And I'm fine Dirk. Honestly. You worry too much."  
Dirk shrugged, not knowing how to explain how scared he was of losing Todd. He cuddled the paper that Todd's letter was written on to his chest.  
"I just... I don't want to come home one day and find you're gone."  
"I won't be," Todd promised, and Dirk wasn't sure if he could believe him. If they were really prisoners for the rest of their lives, then one day one of them would be gone, and that thought frightened him. But he didn't think he could cope if Todd left soon. Not if he died. It would be different if Todd could go free, if he could return to his family and put this nightmare behind him. But him dying - him dying would be too much for Dirk to survive.

Todd reached out and squeezed his hand, crossing the gap between their beds. Dirk squeezed Todd's hand in echo.  
"We should rest," he murmured. Dinner would arrive soon, but before then he needed a chance to recover from the day's torture, and to prepare for whatever tomorrow might bring. Todd nodded, settling back on his own bed. Dirk glanced between him and the letter.  
"Did you mean it?"  
"What bit?" Todd asked.  
"About singing to me."

Todd laughed a little, but he began to sing, the music washing over Dirk, soothing him, grounding him. It felt safe, lying there wrapped in Todd's music, the way he had dreamed of being. He began to doze until dinner arrived, and then after they had eaten he asked Todd to read the letter again, trying to memorise how Todd's voice sounded alongside Todd's words, to build up a security that could never be stolen from him.

***

Time passed. Dirk couldn't shake the feeling that something else was preoccupying Todd, but he never asked, and Todd never volunteered the information. He mentioned when he had attacks, even said he'd been helping the doctor with some basic healthcare and cleaning. Dirk was glad about that - he didn't want Todd to be bored. But he couldn't avoid wondering if something was going on behind his back.

One night he was lying in bed, Todd in the other bed beside him, when Todd reached out to poke him.  
"Dirk? You awake?"  
"I am now."  
"Good. Shuffle up." Todd pushed him and then climbed in beside him. "I've been speaking to the Doctor," he whispered. "He was working on evacuation plans in case of emergency. There are points where the guards aren't sent if chaos erupts."  
"Why would he tell you that?"  
"Because he thinks..." Todd hesitated. "The stress of being here's making my condition worse. He doesn't want a patient to die on him. And he understands that I wouldn't... I _couldn't_ leave without you Dirk."  
"You mean... he's helping us?" Dirk couldn't understand that. He knew Doctors were bad, that they hurt the subjects. He couldn't comprehend something different, but he knew that Todd wouldn't lie. Not like this.  
"I don't know. But if we get the chance, I think we should follow his advice."

Reluctantly, Dirk nodded.

***

Todd's attacks never got easier to deal with. Knowing that they were just his mind, that there was no physical harm - that was no comfort at all when Todd was screaming in Dirk's arms, or when Dirk came home to find Todd lying passed out in his bed, too tired to even wrap the blanket around himself.

There was no comfort that Dirk could provide, other than lying to him that it would all be alright, and he lied every chance he got, because he needed Todd to keep on hoping, to keep on fighting and believing. Todd looked frailer now, Dirk thought. He looked pale, his eyes were unfocused, and he lapsed into silence at points. Dirk had asked to be informed of Todd's attacks, but no one had listened.

He just kept trying to take care of Todd as best as he could, throwing himself into working on his tests, answering every question and guessing every solution. He wasn't getting better, but he was mostly preventing himself doing worse. They weren't often punishing Todd now. 

In a way, that was good. But part of him wondered if they thought Todd wasn't strong enough to survive it. Even the Colonel was being quiet about Todd, no longer demanding that Dirk slept in a different bed. The two of them would curl up together at night, and Todd would sing, and Dirk would try not to hear the way Todd's voice was shaking. Todd was strong, Todd was a fighter. He was holding steady in a situation where others would have already crumbled, and Dirk tried to focus on that.

It was hard to remember, as he stroked his hands tenderly through Todd's hair, but Todd was doing everything he could to fight it. All Dirk could do was stay strong.

Todd looked up at him fondly.  
"Hey Dirk. Didn't hear you come in."  
"Yeah." Dirk smiled, not mentioning that he'd returned almost half an hour ago. "You seemed pretty tired. How many today?"  
"Two… three," Todd admitted after a brief pause, and Dirk embraced him tightly, letting go only when Todd tried to flail free of his grasp.

"The doctor visit?"  
"He did. He's... he looked pretty worried." Todd sighed. "Don't worry. I'm hard to kill off. He just gave me some sleeping tablets, so..."  
"So you're tired," Dirk agreed.   
"He said we should rest," Todd insisted, and Dirk nodded, wrapping his arms around Todd tighter. He wasn't quite sure what had happened, but he was going to do what he could to look after Todd. If Todd wanted to cuddle now, he was only too happy to oblige.

He allowed himself to drift until dinner arrived, feeling Todd's breathing and heartbeat. Today at least they were steady. His soulmate was still strong, even after his illness was torturing him. Todd would keep fighting, and Dirk had to trust in that. He dreamed of being free, of Todd's illness being better, of them spending a day in a real bed without him having to leave for tests.

He almost jumped at the noise of the hatch opening as food arrived, and he looked up to see that there were two portions. Reluctantly, he untangled himself from Todd's grasp, and headed to grab the tray. Todd struggled into a sitting position and smiled at him, holding out his hands for his share of food.

They ate in silence. There was nothing new for either of them to share, and they'd already told each other all they could about their lives before. Dirk liked listening to stories of Todd's life, but now he didn't want him to waste his energy.

Dirk had just placed the tray down on the hatch when a siren pierced the air. Todd jumped, his hands raising to cover his ears, as Dirk looked around, and then ran to the bed, grabbing the letter Todd had given him and shoving it into his pocket.  
"Dirk?"  
"That means there's an escape. We might be split up for a bit, they tend to move the rooms around after an attempt-" Dirk had seen this before. The alarms at night, and then in the morning the blood left uncleaned on the walls, a warning for the projects. It would be gone by the next day's testing, and it could be months before he found out who was gone. He always hoped to hear that Lamia was safe. So far she always had been, but it might not last.

His heart raced as he heard distant gunshots, and he leaned over to kiss Todd.   
"They'll let us see each other in time. Just stay strong." Todd nodded, tensing as the gunshots grew closer, accompanied by shouting.

The shouting suddenly fell silent.

Footsteps continued on, and more shouting came, this time less angry, more excited. The noise reverberated off the walls, smothering the sounds. The actual words were lost.

A sheet of paper drifted under their door. There was a single word on it, written in a child's scrawl. _Hello!_ Next to the word was a smiley face drawn in yellow crayon.

Todd stared at the paper and blinked.  
"What the fuck?"  
Dirk barely noticed the confusion, overcome with excitement. He ran over, picking up the paper, which instantly turned into a bracelet that fastened herself around his wrist.  
"Hey Lamia," he murmured, stroking his fingers across the silver chain. "I hope you're not what's caused all this trouble."  
Lamia didn't respond, and Dirk hoped that wasn't an admission of guilt.

The door to their cell was wrenched open. A girl stood there, who Dirk hadn't seen before. She was a few years younger than them, red hair in curls around her shoulders. It matched the blood that covered her skin and her black jumpsuit.  
"Go," she told them, and then she walked away.  
"Who-" Todd started to ask, but Dirk shook his head.  
"We should go," he repeated, and then looked to Todd. "Do you know where?"

Todd nodded, racing off down a corridor. His earlier exhaustion had given way to adrenaline, and Dirk had to rush to keep up with him. He pulled Todd into a side corridor just as two guards hurtled past, but then they were gone. Todd carried on running, his feet skidding over the tiles, and Dirk ran with him, his heart racing. He could hear noises around him, screams and shouts, but he couldn't listen, couldn't focus on the breaking glass or the blaring alarms. All that mattered was Lamia and Todd, and the fact that they were out of their cells.

Todd didn't falter. He led the three of them on through corridor after corridor, and each time he turned Dirk got the sense that they were going the right way.

They kept running, and there were others running too. People in jumpsuits, and people in uniforms, and Dirk didn't look too closely. Just focused on Todd. On the fact that they were climbing, with every corridor and every set of stairs they hurtled up. 

A pair of grey double doors stood ahead of them. They had been reinforced, but that was broken, and they were open. Dirk stopped running, almost hypnotised by what he saw. He could see outside. There was the tarmac of a parking lot, and beyond that a chain link fence topped with barbed wire, parts of which had been torn through. And then there was sand, and there were stars.

Dirk kept staring, wanting to cry, to keep this moment in his mind forever. Todd wasn't that patient. He grabbed Dirk's hand in his, and tugged him forwards. Dirk was sure that he was saying something, but he couldn't hear it, not when the very air itself tasted different, not when there was a wind blowing that chilled him through his jumpsuit, and there were stars lighting the sky, a moon shining down on them. He stumbled as they crossed the parking lot, a rock tripping him. The corridors in Blackwing never had an obstacle like that, and he nearly sobbed at the stone, his heart soaring. Todd's hand never left his, pulling him on, past the fence, and through onto the sand. 

Todd stopped only when they had been running for a few minutes, wrapping his arms around himself and leaning forwards, gasping for air. He turned to Dirk.  
"We… we did it," he whispered.

Dirk turned and looked back. There were flames licking at one corner of the base, and the landscape was dotted with people running and yelling. He clutched Todd's hand tighter, feeling tears streaking down his face.  
"I... I'm free," he whispered, disbelieving. A moment later, he threw his head back, yelling up to the sky itself. "I'm free!" He sobbed in delight, and then terror because he realised at that moment, he wasn't the only one who had been freed. His soulmate was no longer trapped with him, and he was scared that he'd lose one of the only two people he cared about.

Hesitantly, he turned towards Todd.  
"You… do you… do you want to go home? It might not be safe, but... if you want, I can help-"  
"I want to stay with you," Todd said, and Dirk sobbed, throwing his arms around Todd. Todd hugged him back, squeezing him tightly and then pulling away to kiss him.

Dirk had enjoyed their kisses before, even if they'd been little more than brief brushes of lips, or even just kissing their own fingertips before holding hands. But this was different. Todd was pouring all his love and hope and terror into the kiss, roughly grasping at Dirk's back as he pulled him closer, sobbing with emotion. Dirk kissed back with just as much need, before pulling away, resting his forehead against Todd's own. 

"Todd..."  
"I know," Todd promised, and looked into his eyes. "I love you too." He glanced up. "We'd better get moving."  
Dirk nodded, gripping onto Todd's hand as tightly as he could. The first rays of sunlight were beginning to turn the sky gold, and that light bathed Todd's skin. Dirk had never seen anything more beautiful.


End file.
